A quick catch-up .... and we awaken from our winter lethargy and GET ACTIVE

It's been a while, I know, but life has been really busy for the past few weeks - 'busy' in a good way (mostly), but we've also been dealing with our usual routine of fielding children's project deadlines, tests, homework and daily drama.

In between my responsibilities, I have - for the past few months - been immersing myself in some or other obsession. A few months ago I rejoined the public library and ended up devouring the books I borrowed at such a rate that I'd return to the library every few days to find others to appease my addiction. I read late into the night after the kids were asleep and just after dropping off Aisha (3) at creche in the morning, I'd grab another few minutes of reading time for myself. I'd even leave home early to fetch the kids to give myself 30 minutes of delicious self-indulgent reading time in the car outside their school.

But when my lower back started aching about the month ago, I started going to the gym more regularly as advised by my doctor. That 1 hour and 30 minutes of gym per day effectively put paid to my obsessive reading streak as I now have to squeeze in my commitments. But, on the upside, after a few yoga classes and other strengthening exercise sessions, my aches and pains have subsided and I once again feel like a spring chicken. Okay, maybe not a spring chicken - but at least like the fairly fitter, ever-so-slightly leaner, 1.5 kgs lighter version of my old self.

But, as I've become more active, I've started to feel guilty about the fact that my kids get so little exercise - especially since they broke my heart by quitting karate about 2 months ago (after 2 and a half years of classes). As a result I've been trying to get them outdoors to open spaces during the week whenever possible, since we do not have much space at home. Fortunately my girls attend school in the City Bowl area, which means we are able to take time out by going to Green Point Urban Park after school.

Here the younger two are enjoying some after-school  fun while we waited for Tharaa (11).

Since Shakeel (14)'s school is not in the city, but closer to our home, he does not get the opportunity to join us. One Friday I felt really bad seeing him come home from school looking so drained and lethargic, so I convinced Mo to take us to Green Point before sunset. Even though it was icy, I loved seeing how a few minutes outdoors, jumping on the park equipment, transformed my son from a lethargic drained-looking grumpy teen to the little active boy I've so been missing.

[Please excuse the awful picture quality - these were taken with my phone in fading daylight without a flash (since a flash apparently will not work if the phone battery is on its last legs. Who knew) ]

Not to sound like an old granny or anything, but isn't it sad how, in much of South Africa today, parents no longer feel comfortable letting their kids run about freely (the way we did way back when) for fear of something awful happening to them? And since most people here don't have massive backyards, it leaves children with limited options for free outdoor play.

I hope to take the girls to spend some time on one of the little beaches in Mouille Point after school one day this week. Perhaps they can finish their homework there if need be. Suddenly I'm really looking forward to the week ahead.

"Mommy, what's a cassette?"

When Shakeel (14) disagrees with me about something, he often tries to argue that, "Things were different in your day. You didn't have the technology we have today. You just don't understand how the world works". That is, of course, just before I punish him for sassing me by taking away his Playstation.

And yes, I am struggling to keep up with the way the world is changing. But, like I try to explain to them, not all these changes are positive and it actually saddens me that my kids are growing up so far removed from the far-more-wholesome lifestyles many of us had when we were growing up. A few decades ago the streets were always abuzz with activity as children played OUTSIDE from the moment they got home from school until they had to go inside. 

Granted, children today are swamped with homework and have far less leisure time than we did back then, but my kids prefer to spend the free time they do have in front of the TV or computer instead of playing outside. I was absolutely mortified the first time I offered to take my kids to the park and they refused because "running around is too tiring and, besides, it's too hot".

I remember one day in particular when my friends and I were playing a game that involved the boys chasing the girls around the block (I don't remember the rules exactly). But what I do remember - running down Clare Road Wynberg - apart from the feeling of my lungs burning and my little legs aching with exhaustion (probably after being chased around the block for the 3rd time) was the absolute exhilaration of that moment. I realised that I was having so much fun.

I also think back to the icy weekday winter afternoons when my cousins and I would search for tadpoles on my grandfather's smallholding, parts of which used to dam up during winter. Those memories are so precious.

It saddens me that my kids are not experiencing such priceless moments in their daily lives. Yes, we take them on outings to beautiful places and they go on holidays to scenic destinations where we do share amazing moments and create special memories. But it is not that to which I am referring. When my kids think back to their weekday afternoons and just their daily lives as a whole, what will they remember fondly? Hours of homework followed by an hour or two of illicit screen time they manage to sneak in while I'm too busy to police them? That thought saddens me.

But the funny thing for me is that they don't regard themselves as being in a less fortunate situation (if compared to our upbringing). I'm not suggesting that modern day changes and technological advances are negative per se, as so much of our lives has been improved and expedited because of these developments. In fact, I too would be reluctant to return to a world without Internet. But, it has also caused us to lose so much. When my kids were younger, they would ask me to tell them about the fun we'd had as children and they'd even lament the fact that their lifestyles were so radically different and so dull in comparison. But, as they are getting older, I know that the older two cannot conceive of a life without modern technology for the purposes of entertainment. They laugh at the thought of us using our imaginations for entertainment instead of TV (even though we had TVs). In fact, apart from McGuyver, the A-Team, CHiPs or whatever the main attraction was on TV that night, TVs really didn't dominate our lives. 

They find it strange that we got our news from newspapers every single day and not from news websites. Shakeel, who enjoys demonstrating his DJing skills using the Virtual DJ programme, laughs at the music to which we listened back then, while I respond with the words my father spoke to me, "How can you listen to this rubbish? What we listened to back in our day - now THAT was music!"

I'm always amazed when Shakeel's friends spend time in our company without, for a moment, looking up from their cell phones. Apart from it being extremely disrespectful to whoever is in their company, how does one maintain friendships when your time together is spent chatting to OTHER people on your BB or Whatsapp? This is why Shakeel only got a phone recently - a hand-me-down from his dad, with no facility to chat, thank goodness. Yet, from the beginning, I could already see the negative impact this was having on him and his relationship with the rest of the family. Instead of speaking to us, he would sit and play games or download music and Naruto memes. But the final straw, the moment that caused me to snap and lay down the law (concerning his phone) in the most intimidating and scariest way, came when, one day I called for him  to help me with something and he didn't pitch. After a few minutes, Tharaa (11) came to tell me that he had his earphones plugged in and was listening to music on his phone. Despite my infuriation, I realised that it was our fault - we should have laid down the law more clearly BEFORE giving him the phone.

My older two enjoy teasing us about our age with questions such as, "Mommy, how long did it take you to get to school by horse and cart?" or "Mommy, you won't understand - you were born in the previous millenium" or " How did you celebrate the first day with electricity?"

Some of their questions are genuine inquiries, as they are unable to comprehend a world without cell phones and internet, but sometimes I get the impression that the latest technological advances with which they are growing up also seem to give them an annoyingly superior air. But that is when I remind them firmly (and sometimes a bit harshly) that irrespective of how much the world changes, what will never become outdated are the values with which we are trying to raise them, of which respect is tantamount.

So when I saw this on Facebook this morning, I immediately thought of my older two kids.

A very kind blog reader offers her valuable input - the Erik Erikson's Eight Stages of Development

Last week I did a post on how concerned I was about the fact that Aisha (3) was taking so long to adjust to school life. I really was at a loss as to how I was meant to deal with this issue and was becoming quite depressed as a result. I wondered if her behaviour was normal or if I should, in fact, be worried about the fact that there might be a bigger problem causing her behaviour.

A very kind and unselfish reader responded by sharing her knowledge on parenting, which is based both on her own experience, as well as her training.

YH is the mom of 3 little girls spaced 20 and 21 months apart - respectively ( 9,7,5 years old).

She was trained in child development while studying Nursing at UCT. This is where she was exposed to the Erik Erikson stages of development, which she has found to be incredibly useful in parenting her own children. “I use it as a guideline, especially when I am desperate and very challenged with parenting situations. I would refer back to my child's age and then compare against the developmental phase she is experiencing.”

She goes on to say that this model allows her to understand the possible reasons for her children’s behaviour and often provides ways in which she can deal with it. It also provides her with some sort of context or a yardstick by which to measure her children’s development.

She attached a very informative lengthy piece of information on the Erik Erikson stages of development which includes the stages of sexual development (which, although not relevant to my situation with Aisha, was very informative and I have therefore included it below as well). Since I have ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE of the topic, I have just copied and pasted her entire document unedited.

"ERIK ERIKSON STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT

This page presents an overview of the developmental tasks involved in the social and emotional development of children and teenagers which continues into adulthood. The presentation is based on the Eight Stages of Development developed by psychiatrist, Erik Erikson in 1956.

According to Erikson, the socialization process consists of eight phases – the “eight stages of man.” His eight stages of man were formulated, not through experimental work, but through wide – ranging experience in psychotherapy, including extensive experience with children and adolescents from low – as well as upper – and middle – social classes. Each stage is regarded by Erikson as a “psychosocial crisis,” which arises and demands resolution before the next stage can be satisfactorily negotiated. These stages are conceived in an almost architectural sense: satisfactory learning and resolution of each crisis is necessary if the child is to manage the next and subsequent ones satisfactorily, just as the foundation of a house is essential to the first floor, which in turn must be structurally sound to support and the second story, and so on.

Erikson’s Eight Stages of Development

1. Learning Basic Trust Versus Basic Mistrust (Hope)

Chronologically, this is the period of infancy through the first one or two years of life. The child, well – handled, nurtured, and loved, develops trust and security and a basic optimism. Badly handled, he becomes insecure and mistrustful.

2. Learning Autonomy Versus Shame (Will)

The second psychosocial crisis, Erikson believes, occurs during early childhood, probably between about 18 months or 2 years and 3½ to 4 years of age. The “well – parented” child emerges from this stage sure of himself, elated with his new found control, and proud rather than ashamed. Autonomy is not, however, entirely synonymous with assured self – possession, initiative, and independence but, at least for children in the early part of this psychosocial crisis, includes stormy self – will, tantrums, stubbornness, and negativism. For example, one sees may 2 year olds resolutely folding their arms to prevent their mothers from holding their hands as they cross the street. Also, the sound of “NO” rings through the house or the grocery store.

3. Learning Initiative Versus Guilt (Purpose)

Erikson believes that this third psychosocial crisis occurs during what he calls the “play age,” or the later preschool years (from about 3½ to, in the United States culture, entry into formal school). During it, the healthily developing child learns: (1) to imagine, to broaden his skills through active play of all sorts, including fantasy (2) to cooperate with others (3) to lead as well as to follow. Immobilized by guilt, he is: (1) fearful (2) hangs on the fringes of groups (3) continues to depend unduly on adults and (4) is restricted both in the development of play skills and in imagination.

4. Industry Versus Inferiority (Competence)

Erikson believes that the fourth psychosocial crisis is handled, for better or worse, during what he calls the “school age,” presumably up to and possibly including some of junior high school. Here the child learns to master the more formal skills of life: (1) relating with peers according to rules (2) progressing from free play to play that may be elaborately structured by rules and may demand formal teamwork, such as baseball and (3) mastering social studies, reading, arithmetic. Homework is a necessity, and the need for self-discipline increases yearly. The child who, because of his successive and successful resolutions of earlier psychosocial crisis, is trusting, autonomous, and full of initiative will learn easily enough to be industrious. However, the mistrusting child will doubt the future. The shame – and guilt-filled child will experience defeat and inferiority.

5. Learning Identity Versus Identity Diffusion (Fidelity)

During the fifth psychosocial crisis (adolescence, from about 13 or 14 to about 20) the child, now an adolescent, learns how to answer satisfactorily and happily the question of “Who am I?” But even the best – adjusted of adolescents experiences some role identity diffusion: most boys and probably most girls experiment with minor delinquency; rebellion flourishes; self – doubts flood the youngster, and so on.

Erikson believes that during successful early adolescence, mature time perspective is developed; the young person acquires self-certainty as opposed to self-consciousness and self-doubt. He comes to experiment with different – usually constructive – roles rather than adopting a “negative identity” (such as delinquency). He actually anticipates achievement, and achieves, rather than being “paralyzed” by feelings of inferiority or by an inadequate time perspective. In later adolescence, clear sexual identity – manhood or womanhood – is established. The adolescent seeks leadership (someone to inspire him), and gradually develops a set of ideals (socially congruent and desirable, in the case of the successful adolescent). Erikson believes that, in our culture, adolescence affords a “psychosocial moratorium,” particularly for middle – and upper-class American children. They do not yet have to “play for keeps,” but can experiment, trying various roles, and thus hopefully find the one most suitable for them.

6. Learning Intimacy Versus Isolation (Love)

The successful young adult, for the first time, can experience true intimacy – the sort of intimacy that makes possible good marriage or a genuine and enduring friendship.

7. Learning Generativity Versus Self-Absorption (Care)

In adulthood, the psychosocial crisis demands generativity, both in the sense of marriage and parenthood, and in the sense of working productively and creatively.

8. Integrity Versus Despair (Wisdom)

If the other seven psychosocial crisis have been successfully resolved, the mature adult develops the peak of adjustment; integrity. He trusts, he is independent and dares the new. He works hard, has found a well – defined role in life, and has developed a self-concept with which he is happy. He can be intimate without strain, guilt, regret, or lack of realism; and he is proud of what he creates – his children, his work, or his hobbies. If one or more of the earlier psychosocial crises have not been resolved, he may view himself and his life with disgust and despair.

These eight stages of man, or the psychosocial crises, are plausible and insightful descriptions of how personality develops but at present they are descriptions only. We possess at best rudimentary and tentative knowledge of just what sort of environment will result, for example, in traits of trust versus distrust, or clear personal identity versus diffusion. Helping the child through the various stages and the positive learning that should accompany them is a complex and difficult task, as any worried parent or teacher knows. Search for the best ways of accomplishing this task accounts for much of the research in the field of child development.

Socialization, then is a learning – teaching process that, when successful, results in the human organism’s moving from its infant state of helpless but total egocentricity to its ideal adult state of sensible conformity coupled with independent creativity.

Children and young people constitute more than half of the global population today. Many of them face various challenges of HIV & AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases, gender inequality and discrimination. Currently, the emotional, social and health needs of young people are not being fully met. Young people face increasing pressures regarding sex and sexuality including conflicting messages and norms.

Sex refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as females and males. Sexuality is everything that goes into making you a human being. This includes sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life. It is restricted by laws, moral standard, family and personal values and social norms that are determined by the distribution of power and decision making in society. It is linked to self-esteem, body image, identity, ideas about love, dating, ‘hooking up”, breaking up, pleasure, marriage and ideas of what is right and wrong.

Children express their sexuality differently depending on their cultural background, access to information, social and economic status and their experience of sexual abuse. Each child should be introduced to sex and sexuality at a different age depending on their own physical and psychological development. Evidence has shown that positive or negative first exposure to sex has strong influence on the course of sexual discovery and practice throughout life.

According to Peel Public Health (2007) the different stages of children’s sexual development are:

Birth to age 2

•             Learn about love &trust through loving relationships with parents and their caregivers

•             Explore their bodies, including their genitals

•             May have erections or lubricate vaginally

•             Experience genital pleasure

•             Begin to learn expected behaviours

•             Begin to notice differences between the bodies of boys and girls, children and adults     

         

Ages 3- 5

•             Become very curious about bodies, and the differences between boys and girls

•             May play house, or doctor or other forms of body exploration or “sex play” with friends

•             Learn that they are either male or female

•             Learn about male/female roles by observing others

•             Enjoy learning about and talking about body parts and functions

•             Find adult bathroom activities very interesting

•             May ask questions about pregnancy and birth such as: “Where did I come from?”

•             May learn words relsted to sex and try using them

•             May mimic adult sexual behaviour

•             May begin to masturbate

Ages 6-8

•             Begin to have strong friendships with children of the same sex

•             Be affected by stories they hear in the media(e.g. about AIDS or abuse)

•             Have definite ideas about male and female roles

•             Have a basic sexual orientation and identity

•             Want to be like their peers; for example, boys may feel pressured to choose the type of toys and activities that other boys choose

•             May engage in name – calling and teasing

•             May continue with sex play

•             May begin to masturbate             

Ages 9-12

•             May begin the changes of puberty

•             Become more modest and want privacy

•             Continue to value same sex friendships

•             May experience increased sexual feelings and fantasies

•             Develop crushes on friends, older teens, teachers, rock starts, etc. Romantic feelings may be directed towards the same sex and/or the opposite sex.

•             May take part in sexual exploration with peers

•             May masturbate to orgasm

•             May have to face decisions about sex and drugs

Ages 13 – 18

•             Complete the changes of puberty

•             Place great value on independence

•             Experience increased sexual feelings and desire physical closeness with a partner

•             May face peer pressure to be sexually active whether or not they feel ready

•             May change close friendships in favour of romantic relationships

•             May make choices which lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases

•             May have to face violence in relationships ( Sexual harassment, date rape, etc)

The ways that children experience and express, or choose not to express their sexuality is influenced by their biology, their emotional lives, their family lives, their culture and their own status in that culture, their ethical, religious and spiritual upbringing and experience.

If children are encouraged to explore issues surrounding their sexuality, before they become sexually active whether by choice, coercion or necessity, it better prepares them to meet the challenges that they might face on various aspects of their sexuality. Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) for children are recognised as a necessity for the reduction of STI’s including HIV&AIDS."

Thank you so much to YH for taking the time to share this information. It is deeply appreciated.

Enjoying the calm - however short-lived it may be

Each morning Mo interrupts his pressurized work day to call home, checking if all is well - probaby ensuring that I had not succumbed to the temptation to flee to some faraway place, leaving Aisha (2) alone mid-tantrum; or checking if his princess was well and still uninjured (by her frustrated mother).

On Monday morning, instead of him being greeted by my usual frustrated/ annoyed/ irritated/ stressed out/ cautious/ anxious response (depending on Aisha's mood at the time of the call), I immediately answered his inquiry by providing him with an uncharacteristically animated account of what the budgie (our newest pet) had for breakfast, how much the guinea pigs had enjoyed the celery I'd picked for them from the garden and how Titan, our quaker parrot, was adjusting to sharing his turf (and our affections) with all our newly-acquired pets.

Only then did I realise that his question, ''So, how's everything at home?'' had been about Aisha. But he did not interrupt - probably so relieved at the pleasant voice on the other end of the line (for a change). He proceeded to ask questions and offer tips as to how to how to get the budgie to adapt more easily to its new environment.

But even in answering the question he had actually been asking, I was delighted to report that Aisha's usual morning tantrum had been averted when I'd taken her to hand-feed the guinea-pigs their celery. Within minutes she was giggling and shrieking with delight at the adorable happy sounds they were making.

It seems that having young dependent pets around is bringing out the caring, loving and nurturing side of my tantrum-throwing daughter. It seems to be diverting her focus from her own self-centredness (of which, I admit, I am the cause), to their needs. Let's hope the novelty doesn't wear off too soon.

First day back at school blues (mine)

Once again, as many stay-at-home mums heave a collective sigh of relief, I sit here sniffing into my tissues; missing my babies.

I've brushed hair, handed out lunches, checked signed reports, given giant bear hugs, planted a million kisses on cheeks - and waved a sad dramatic good-bye.

I miss them so much.

Last night I brought up the topic of homeschooling with Mo. What if we hire a retired teacher to assist me with the classes? Wouldn't we still be saving money if taking into account school fees and transport costs (I was grasping at straws; trying to convince him). Why subject them to potential peer pressure, bullying and negative influences?

Why couldn't they just stay home with me?

I miss them. I miss them. I know it's pathetic, but I really miss them.

Despite the constant bickering during this holiday that had me pulling at my hair; despite the constant mess that had me yelling and screaming.

I'm a sad pathetic mommy - whose life is way too wrapped up in those of her kids.

Not to mention a scared mommy - as I wait for two- year old tantrum-throwing Aisha to awaken. No Shakeel (12) to rush into the room first thing in the morning to marvel at his little sister, no Nuha (7) cause her first morning giggles and no Tharaa (10) to help her and comfort her like a little mommy. But fear of dealing with Aisha's moods alone is not the reason I'm missing the other kids so much.
I swear its not. Okay, maybe it is - a bit.

I step into their rooms which they have tidied all by themselves this morning. (They had taken my growling and threatening of last night seriously). My sweethearts!

Okay, I know that this is probably the most annoying post to which I've ever subjected anyone - so I'll stop. While I chew on my nails waiting for Aisha to awaken.

Aloe boobies

I have had a really difficult 36 hours. On Sunday afternoon, without much fore-thought or planning, I decided to wean Aisha.

I know that this is way past due - she is already 2 years and four months old and breastfeeding at this age seems to be unacceptable. Initially, my main concern was our religious ruling on breastfeeding children beyond the age of two, but we were reassured by our Imam that it was perfectly acceptable to breastfeed beyond this age (obviously within reason).

So I relaxed, and continued to enjoy bonding with Aisha this way. She absolutely loves her boobies, using them mainly for comfort and not really for nutrition at this point. Many a tantrum has been averted simply by flashing them - it is incredible to watch how her face changes from outrage and frustration to sheer happiness within seconds. I love watching her face as she breastfeeds - the contentment and joy warms my heart. Recently, when she catches me watching her face intently while she's breastfeeding, she will give me a thumbs-up signal. Really funny and cute.

Recently she fell off a high fold up chair, as it crashed to the ground. Her forehead hit the ground, as she had fallen head-first. The shock of the fall had her in a state of hysteria. It was absolutely amazing how she calmed down instantly after she'd lifted my top to seek comfort from her boobies. After a few minutes the violent sobbing was replaced by gentle peaceful breathing.

I didn't breastfeed this long with my other three kids. There had not been a need for a weaning process, since all of them had just naturally moved on to the bottle. If anyone had told me that such emotional turmoil would be the result of weaning this one, I might have stopped sooner.

A while back I started to do a blog post on the sadness I was feeling about the prospect of weaning her. I researched other such cases on the internet, but did not find anyone who was suffering to the extent that I was. I felt alone and weird - and like a weakling. But I could not finish the post, as it became too painful. I kept bursting into tears.

I feared the prospect of weaning her. I knew that the sadness would escalate into full-blown grief. Nobody could relate. Other mommies who had weaned kids, who were born more or less around the time Aisha was, laughed when I told them how sad I was feeling. (In their defence, their laughter was not mocking - they were merely responding to the jovial joking tone in which I mocked my own silliness- in the hopes that someone would say they understood and that they were feeling the same).

My sadness can be attributed to the fact that it feels as if the bond between us will break. Our relationship will change - she will need me less. But more importantly - much more importantly - I'm heartbroken about the fact that I will not be able to provide her with the comfort I used to. I feel as if I will be robbing her of something which gives her so much joy, contentment and solace. Since she does not take the dummy/pacifier or bottle, there is no substitute which I can offer her.

I chatted to moms about how they had gone about the weaning process. I got advice which ranged from applying Mercurochrome to the nipples (to resemble blood), chocolate (to resemble poo) and bitter aloe (which apparently tastes so vile that the horror and disgust is said to linger long after the child has tasted it). Most moms recommended the bitter aloe, swearing by its effectiveness. But when I raised the topic with our family doctor, she reiterated what I'd thought - this method was cruel. She suggested that I explain to Aisha that she was hurting my boobies and try to get her to see the reason behind the decision to wean. I knew that there was no way that would work.

But I tried it - I told Aisha that she was hurting me, which upset her, making her cling to me even more.

A few weeks ago I, once again, found myself around other mums who had weaned. My embarrassed admission that I had still not weaned was met with shock, surprise and the usual advice. As usual, nobody could understand what the big deal was, making me feel really alone - and annoyed at myself.

On Sunday afternoon, without prior warning and very much on the spur of the moment, I decided to apply some bitter aloe to my nipples. My heart broke as I did it. Very dramatically, I kissed and hugged Aisha just before I did it - it truly felt as if I was saying good-bye to her (or at least to my breastfeeding baby). I had a lump in my throat the entire time.

I called her over and offered her her boobies, which she willingly took. Nothing could have prepared me for her reaction when she tasted it. She looked shocked, she panicked and then gagged. She started to rub her tongue with her sleeve, desperate to get the taste out of her mouth. I panicked - what the hell had I done??? I was such an idiot! A cruel stupid people-pleasing idiot!!! How could I have done this to my baby? And why? Simply because I was feeling the pressure from other people. I hated myself - I truly hated myself. I still do.

I quickly applied toothpaste to her tongue. Eventually she calmed down - but she was clearly affected by the experience. She kept repeating to her older siblings ''Kakka (Yucky) boobies'' and pointing at me. She was uncharacteristically quiet for the rest of the night.

During the middle of the night, she awoke as usual for her boobies. Unaware that the taste could not simply be wiped away, I offered them to her. She started to cry - for about an hour. It was not her usual middle-of-the night tantrum. She was crying bitterly. She was angry. She sat up and started to suck on her hand. Then I started to cry. I sobbed and sobbed, feeling helpless and full of regret. I could not console my baby at all. She pushed me away when I came near her, whimpering, ''Kakka boobies, kakka mommy''. I reached out to touch her, but she pushed my hand away, saying, ''Kakka mommy's hand''. I was heartbroken, but I deserved it.

Mo brought me a facecloth to attempt to remove the taste once again. I rubbed and rubbed until my nipples were raw. Then he gave me some golden syrup to rub on my nipples - in an attempt to undo the damage I had done with the aloe. Hesitantly I did so ( I realised that the harm done by a bit of sugar did not outweigh the harm that I had already done to the child). I offered her her  sweetened boobies, but she pushed me away. She eyed me suspiciously, crying all the time. I wept along with her.

I told her that her boobies were tasting better now - I put a tiny bit of the syrup on her lip to illustrate what they tasted like now. She swiped my hand away. After another fifteen minutes of crying, I picked her up and quickly put the sweetened boobie in her mouth. She did not resist (I'm not sure if it was from exhaustion).

Although she has been back in her tantrum phase for about two months, she had always been pleasant, funny and lovable in between her tantrums (of which there would be about two or three a day - which includes her middle-of-the-night tantrum).

Yesterday was a complete nightmare. Although she took her boobies the morning, she kept talking about the kakka/yucky boobie experience. She was quiet, angry and aggressive all day. The number of tantrums were too numerous to count. She was particularly aggressive toward me, which was strange since I'm usually the one who comforts her and calms her down. I felt depressed, powerless. I missed my happy baby. I felt as if I had broken her.

Last night's middle of the night tantrum was particularly bad. She did not want boobies in bed (which is VERY VERY UNUSUAL). She wanted to fall asleep with her head on my shoulder, which under any other circumstances, would have made me so happy - but this was because she still did not trust that I would not give her yucky boobies again. She fell asleep on my shoulder after screaming for more than an hour.

She awoke again at about 06:00, insisting that I apply 'medicine' to my boobies - she was referring to the golden syrup which had fixed them when  they were kakka/yucky. I complied with  her request and asked if she wanted her boobies. She didn't - she had simply wanted to ensure that her boobies were no longer yucky.

This post has been written over a half-a day (due to lack of time to sit and write it in one go), and at this moment I am feeling so much relief. She has just awoken - happy. However, being the idiot I am, I forgot that I had applied the golden syrup at 06:00 am, so when I offered her the boobies, she shrank back with panic at their unusual (albeit pleasant) taste. But, it doesn't matter - for now she's smiling again. I hope and pray that she remains happy for the rest of the day.

Which still leaves me with the problem of a possible weaning method. But I shall worry about that another time - right now I'm just happy that she's happy.

(If anyone has suggestions regarding methods of weaning, please feel free to share it. I will really appreciate it)

Imitation- the highest form of flattery (so why's no one imitating me!)

I always find it funny that, while many adults would love to be younger than what they are, children cannot wait to grow older.

Shakeel proudly brags that next year he'll be 14 - when he hasn't even reached his 13th birthday this year yet! This really freaks me out, since he informed me that I will be 40 next year! I had to remind him that I'm not even 39 yet - so stop making me feel older than what I am!

I always remind them to savour their youth - and, in particular, their childhood. I want them to appreciate and make the most of every moment while they're experiencing it, so as never to have to look back with regret.

But I suppose it's normal for children to play games in which they emulate grown-ups. In my childhood games, I always wanted to be the teacher (emulating my parents and school teachers), a detective (thanks to my obsession with Nancy Drew) and a shopkeeper (I have no idea why).

One morning I saw Nuha (7) holding her tiny chalkboard (15 - 20 cm wide) on her left palm, while punching at it with the fore-finger of her right hand. Was she trying to kill ants which had crawled onto her board? What on earth was she doing? Her dad, with a smile on his face, then informed me that she was working on her Galaxy Tab. The smile, no doubt, was because she was emulating him.

I caught her at it again this morning before school

I thought it was cute, but embarrassingly, I couldn't help but wonder why she was not wanting to be more like her mommy. Why was she not copying me? I hadn't seen her pretending to cook or changing her teddy bears' nappies in quite a while. I'd never seen her yelling, "Do your homework or you'll never see a TV again!" at her dolls. What was wrong with what I do? Am I not cool enough?

But I decided to stop being such a baby and to be supportive of her new favourite activity instead. So I went up to her, saying,

"Wow! You look busy".

She nodded without looking up.

"Are you typing out a document for work? Or are you doing schoolwork?" I asked, stepping into her world of make-believe.

"No, I'm blogging," she replied without looking up.

I beamed with happiness.

An old mommy learns new tricks. With missing teeth and interesting poo.

Yesterday Nuha lost her upper front tooth (incisor). I'd been dreading it for a while now, since I loved how cute her milk teeth were. So tiny, even, white and perfect. Like my other kids' milk teeth had been before they grew their enormous permanent teeth which, let's face it, are anything but cute.

The permanent teeth are so huge- I'd often panic that my children's little faces would never grow large enough to match those gigantic teeth. But in the end either it had- or I had just become accustomed to that look.

But the loss of a tooth is a highly anticipated and celebrated occasion in our home. The tooth-fairy's arrival is eagerly awaited; with the tooth being placed in an easily accessible place so that she doesn't have any problem finding it.

Shakeel (12) believed the tooth-fairy story the longest. Simply because he didn't have any older siblings to ruin it for him- the way he proceeded to do for Tharaa (10) as soon as he found out. But Tharaa was a good sport- she continued to please her mommy by pretending that she believed in the tooth fairy and happily exchanged her precious tooth for R5.00. And I continue with my refusal to acknowledge to ANY of the kids (not even Shakeel) that the tooth fairy doesn't exist and that we are the ones slipping the cash into the shoes/under the pillows.

So strong was my denial that, although I needed Shakeel to help me lift Tharaa's head one night in order to access the tooth under the pillow, the next morning I refused to acknowledge to him that it was I who had exchanged the tooth for money. It was all in his imagination- maybe he'd dreamt it.

I am just not ready for my kids to lose their innocence and sense of imagination.

So yesterday when I explained to Nuha where the tooth fairy would be expecting to find the tooth, she looked at me with a cute knowing smile,
"Mommy, I know that you put the money in our shoes".
I glared at Shakeel. He looked down, pretending to be searching for something on the floor.

Despite my denial, she persisted with her theory (based, no doubt on what the older two had told her). Eventually she had an idea. "I'm not going to tell you where the tooth is. If it's still there tomorrow morning, then I'll know for sure that there is no tooth fairy- because if she exists, she will know where to find it- because she's a fairy!"

Gulp.

"No, that's not how it works, Nuha. The tooth fairy approaches me to find out where the tooth is. If you hide it from me, she will have no tooth with which to build her house- and you won't get any money".

Amazingly, she was convinced. Or maybe she just didn't want to take any chances- just in case I was telling the truth.

I assured her that I would be briefing the tooth fairy as to the exact location of the tooth- and ensure that the tooth fairy does not forget to compensate her.

Now the following part of this post is a bit disgusting- not for the squeamish,

Later the evening Aisha indicated that she needed me to change her poo nappy. I put her on the toilet, washed and wiped her bum, and then plonked her in the shower. I always prefer to give her a quick wash in the shower to make sure that I didn't miss anything.

So I squirted delicious smelling Elizabeth Anne's shampoo and body wash onto my hand and proceeded to wipe her bottom and her legs. Then I washed the crack of her bottom. (Don't squirm, I was just being thorough).

Suddenly I felt something, which felt like loose skin. I panicked- had my child injured herself while pooing? I gave it a slight tug. It seemed to be sliding out of her bottom, so it couldn't be skin. Oh please don't be a tapeworm, I silently prayed.

It wasn't. It was a big piece of tomato. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

I then proceeded with what I had been doing. Now you are not going to believe this- I felt another piece of skin. Believing that it was obviously part of the tomato, I tugged. And no, it was not another piece of tomato, but a huge piece of apple peel.

Very very warily I proceeded to wash her, and I kid you not- I proceeded to yank out another piece of apple skin.

After tossing it all in the toilet bowl, the inside of which was starting to look like a tossed salad, I called Mo to take her out of the bath, while I sat down to recover.

Don't worry- I resisted the temptation to take pics.

So, despite being a mommy for twelve years, I continue to have new parenting experiences each day. Yesterday, for the first time, I held a briefing with the tooth fairy to explain that all my child's future teeth would be placed in a shoe at the foot of the bed- so no excuses!

And yesterday was also the first time I pulled fresh produce from a human bottom.

Wonder what today holds in store.