Anticipating the results of weeks of hard work

For the past 3 weeks we've been caught up in a flurry of school-related activities. The older kids were bombarded with projects and tests, which usually have me all stressed out and grumpy.

Strangely, this time, I actually enjoyed most of it. I thoroughly enjoyed preparing the kids for their tests and it seemed that the less they knew at the beginning of their study sessions, the happier I was - because it enabled me to live out my 'homeschooling mum' fantasy, which I don't think will die very soon. This term Shakeel (14) worked quite well on his own - for the most part. He'd ask for help here and there, but I was happy to see that the study methods which we'd used over the years (when I used to work more closely with him) are standing him in good stead and allowing him to cover the bulk of the work without my assistance. 

Shakeel working on a project with his friend and classmate

Making time to play with one of his lovebirds

Working with Tharaa (11), on the other hand, took up the bulk of my time, energy and patience. In the previous post I mentioned how I would no longer write about my kids in a way that could embarrass or upset them when they read the post later on, so I'll just say that Tharaa and I had some challenging moments, but thank goodness, that's all behind us now. On the one hand I was alarmed to see that, a few days before her tests, she often did not even understand the typed handouts in her book (upon which all the tests were based). I am not one to automatically blame the teacher, as it is possible that she was not paying attention as she should have been. What was so alarming was the fact that she had achieved the top scores across the entire sixth grade during the first term, yet now, a few months later, she was completely baffled by the contents of her books. It also didn't help that the school's talent show, in which she sang and for which she had practised so hard, took place the night before she was scheduled to write History and Maths!!! 

Like I said earlier, although I was alarmed at the fact that she was so unprepared for her tests, I was thrilled to have this clean slate upon which to practice my teaching skills (because, really, she was a clean slate - it was as if she was seeing the work for the first time!) But I enjoyed it and she responded well. Maths required much revision of the basics and I let her use the invaluable khanacademy.org to brush up on her newly acquired skills. For the other learning areas (History, Geography and Natural Science) I firstly familiarised myself with her typed notes and textbooks, after which I set about explaining it to her. She grasped concepts instantly and answered questions accurately - which has me absolutely baffled as to why she did not know what was happening in any of these subjects when we started studying. After all, the study period is supposed to serve merely to refresh one's memory and consolidate that which one has already learned - especially at Grade 6 level. But, my concerns were outweighed by my own silent glee and pride (in myself) each time she yelled out, " NOW I understand!"  once I'd explained a section of work. (Yes, I know - I really need to get a hobby - or a job).

Written by Tharaa - dedicated to her best friends

Tharaa hard at work

Projects were an entirely different story. Her Natural Science project involved making an electric circuit using a battery, conducting wires and 2 output components (a buzzer and a light). They were required to construct a game using the circuit which would result on the buzzer or light being activated by the flow of the current. Although I understood that the game should involve closing a break in the circuit allowing the current to flow from the input component (the battery) which would then activate the buzzer and light, I had no idea how this would be done. Fortunately this type of challenge is what gets Mo (her dad)'s juices flowing, so together they built a game which earned a her 100%. 

Although I am happy with her result, I have a HUGE problem with this type of project, which clearly requires heavy reliance on an adult. Although I agree that parents should be involved in kids' education, what does this type of project mean for children of parents who have absolutely no education? Tharaa told us about a girl in her class being raised by a single mum, who submitted a cell attached to a light bulb, which sadly did not work. This girl only managed to get 30% for her and her mum's efforts. Why should children's grades depend on their parents' abilities and educational level? One thing is for certain - if I were the only one guiding Tharaa through this project, my daughter would have achieved far less than her friend's 30%. Why should the fact that my daughter had McGuyver to guide her, stand her in better stead than her friend whose parent's skills do not extend to building circuits. This project, in no way, reflected the ability of the kids to build circuits or even on their own understanding of their workings. 

So after much explaining, pain, confusion; followed by small moments of sweet victory, Tharaa's tests eventually ended. 

With the older kids' assessments and Aisha (3)'s new bout of unexplained tantrums, poor Nuha (8) once again fell through the cracks. I know that she too was busy with formal assessments, but I had very little time left to help her. She was preparing a project and an oral on solar systems, when - upon giving it a quick once-over (which, sadly is how I check her work most of the time) I came across words like "interstellar" and "centaurs",  which forced me to take time out to explain the concept of plagiarism and how one cannot simply copy huge chunks of information from Wikipedia. I got her to read each paragraph to me and then explain it in her own words before writing it down on her poster. This also made memorising the information much easier as she understood the concepts quite well. I really have to get the older kids to work more independently so that I can spend more time with my patient and understanding daughter. 

In addition to me neglecting Nuha's studies during the assessment period, I'd very often rely on the poor angel to keep Aisha busy so that I can focus on the heavy workload of the older kids. 

My most independent child (not by choice, poor thing)

Aisha, in the meantime, apart from throwing the most frightening tantrums at the drop of a hat, is also busy practising for her school concert. To maintain the element of surprise, parents are being kept in the dark about the performances, but I'm told that she surprises her teachers each time by coming out of her shell completely when the music starts and then proceeding to shake her booty shamelessly. 

So now we eagerly await the assessment results which we'll receive at the end of the school term (in 2 weeks time). We are also really excited about watching Aisha's very first concert this Saturday. The following few weeks therefore promise to be really exciting for our family as we reap the rewards (hopefully) of many weeks of hard work. Let's pray that it all pays off.

Nuha's turn to receive a prize for "Fasting for the love of Allah"

Every year, for the past 14 years, the Islamic Unity Convention holds an award ceremony for those people who succeeded in fasting for the entire month of Ramadaan FOR THEIR VERY FIRST TIME. The men, women and children participating in this event, which is known as "Fasting for the Love of Allah", receive a certificate, a medal and a goodie-bag as small tokens of recognition for the accomplishment of this remarkable feat.

Last year Nuha (8) fasted for the entire month of Ramadaan for the first time. She however did not want to have her achievements acknowledged at this event, as she was too shy to go up to receive her award. This year however, for some reason, she built up the courage to claim her prize belatedly. This could very well have had something to do with the fact that her darling cousin, F. too was participating in this event and that spending the morning with her sidekick while they stuffed their faces with the delicious contents of their goodie-bag prizes, was well worth the unwanted attention she'd have to endure in going up to collect her prize once her name was called.

The event was lovely and there were some touching moments as the new Muslims' (especially the adults) names were called. The Imam (I forgot his name unfortunately) emphasised that although parents might sneak their little darlings small gifts to show pride at their accomplishments (fasting) and despite the fact that prizes were being awarded at this event for those who fasted for the first time, it has to be emphasised that Muslims fast 'for the love of Allah'.

Imam Achmad Cassiem voiced his displeasure at the use of the word 'revert' to describe people who had just embraced Islam. He said that once they took their Shahada, they became Muslims (like any other) and that giving them any other label implied that they were on some sort of probation before they became Muslims.

He also cautioned people against the use of the term non-Muslim, likening it to the use of the inherently biased term 'non-white' during apartheid. 

Here are some pics of Nuha and her darling cousin receiving their prizes (the pics were taken with my phone with my very shaky hand, so the quality leaves much to be desired)

And here we have my mum and my niece, anxiously awaiting little F's turn

But before I get into trouble for having done a special blog post on Nuha's turn at this event, I'd better show you a photo taken 2 years ago when Tharaa (then aged 9) took to the stage at the same event

Monday morning playdate and Mouille Point outing

This morning Nuha had a playdate near the city at about 9:00. Shakeel (13) stayed home with his buddy who slept over, while Tharaa (10) and Aisha (2) went with to drop our reluctant little social butterfly at her playdate. (She spent the night tossing and turning, stressing about today - no prizes for guessing after whom she takes).

After dropping her off, we headed down to Mouille Point for a few minutes to enjoy the fresh ocean air. I can't think of a better way to have started the day.

Nuha arrived home a half hour ago, announcing what a wonderful time she had had with her little friend. And now she's in tears - because her sisters had had fun without her. So typical.

[pls excuse the picture quality - once again I'd forgotten my camera at home (useless blogger that I am) and had to take these with hubby's phone (because I'd forgotten my own phone at home as well) ]

Who's fooling whom?

On Saturday night, on the way home from our family gathering, Tharaa (10) said, ''Why, oh why does it have to be Monday tomorrow? I really don't feel like going to school tomorrow!!''

She and Shakeel (13) exchanged wicked knowing glances, waiting for the obvious response from Nuha (7), ''But today is Saturday. It's not school tomorrow - tomorrow is Sunday''.

But the diabolical duo persisted, '' No, silly. It's school tomorrow. Today was Sunday''.

The argument continued for  the entire night, with the older two deriving much delight from their little sister's bewilderment.

So much so, that they awoke Nuha on Sunday morning and urged her to get ready for school. Snickering, Shakeel got dressed in his school uniform, while Tharaa - who could not find her school uniform in the chaos inside her wardrobe - pretended to be sick, and thus unable to go to school. She was however more than willing to help Nuha to get dressed in her school uniform and ready for school.

They ushered the poor thing into my bedroom to greet me, before supposedly leaving for school. Their glee, at what they undoubtedly thought was an extremely well-executed and successful prank, annoyed me. As Nuha leaned in to kiss me, I whispered in her ear that it was not school and that this was just a silly practical joke.

Smiling, she leaned in and whispered in my ear, ''I know''.

The little darling had been allowing herself to appear to be the unwitting foolish victim of their roguishness - all for the purpose of providing them with the entertainment and cheap laughs they so desired.

And suddenly, she was not the one looking foolish.

Girls afternoon out - special moments at Pepperazzi

As the parents of four kids, we sometimes find ourselves failing miserably in our attempt to balance the time and attention we spend on each respective child. Unfortunately it is often the child who is being the most difficult, or creating the most problems who ends up getting the most attention.
In our family, little Aisha (2) is most often the recipient of our energies and attention. While Shakeel (13) and Tharaa (10) are able to forcefully claim our attention by screaming or moaning loudly enough, it is 7 year old Nuha who fades into the background, unnoticed and unheard. We therefore have to make a conscious effort to set aside time for her whenever possible.
 
We realised that we had to consciously carve out time for each child. We’d do this by arranging for one of us to have one-on-one time with each one of them, while the other looks after the remaining three. We hoped to do this as often as possible.

A few months ago I took Tharaa out for a sushi lunch. We had fully intended this to be the first of many, once her siblings had had their turns. We do not include Aisha in this queue- for- attention because, as centre of the universe, she already owns all our time.

Since learning that the Avengers (2012) would be hitting the movie circuit this year, their dad, Mo has been using Shakeel as an excuse  planning to spend his one-on-one time with Shakeel by sharing this amazing movie experience with him. (Imagine, all these Marvel superheroes in one movie! I’m on the edge of my seat with barely-contained excitement *dripping with sarcasm* ). They planned to attend this life –changing event this past weekend.

As usual, Nuha has thus far been the one to fall through the cracks. So, this weekend I was to take her to lunch. But cowards that we are, Mo and I could not bear Tharaa’s nagging, so (I’m ashamed to say) we decided to include her in Nuha’s one-on-one lunch.

We headed to Pepperazzi in Canal Walk. There was a slight wait for our orders to arrive, because the place was absolutely packed. The girls passed the time playing games and bickering.

I ordered an avocado and pineapple steak burger. Either I was really hungry by the time the food arrived, or this was one of the most satisfying restaurant meals I’ve had in a long time.

 Nuha ordered a simple kiddies beef burger and chips
  

  

Tharaa ordered the kiddies ribs and chips. 

Tharaa had us wishing that we'd ordered the ribs too

A picture's worth a thousand words

  
Although they enjoyed our little outing, I cannot in good conscience count this as Nuha's one-on-one time with me. I am really looking forward to spending some 'alone-time' with my deserving little daughter.

Despite their bickering during our outing, I will always cherish the wonderful moments we shared on our outing and am looking forward to doing it again.

Imitation- the highest form of flattery (so why's no one imitating me!)

I always find it funny that, while many adults would love to be younger than what they are, children cannot wait to grow older.

Shakeel proudly brags that next year he'll be 14 - when he hasn't even reached his 13th birthday this year yet! This really freaks me out, since he informed me that I will be 40 next year! I had to remind him that I'm not even 39 yet - so stop making me feel older than what I am!

I always remind them to savour their youth - and, in particular, their childhood. I want them to appreciate and make the most of every moment while they're experiencing it, so as never to have to look back with regret.

But I suppose it's normal for children to play games in which they emulate grown-ups. In my childhood games, I always wanted to be the teacher (emulating my parents and school teachers), a detective (thanks to my obsession with Nancy Drew) and a shopkeeper (I have no idea why).

One morning I saw Nuha (7) holding her tiny chalkboard (15 - 20 cm wide) on her left palm, while punching at it with the fore-finger of her right hand. Was she trying to kill ants which had crawled onto her board? What on earth was she doing? Her dad, with a smile on his face, then informed me that she was working on her Galaxy Tab. The smile, no doubt, was because she was emulating him.

I caught her at it again this morning before school

I thought it was cute, but embarrassingly, I couldn't help but wonder why she was not wanting to be more like her mommy. Why was she not copying me? I hadn't seen her pretending to cook or changing her teddy bears' nappies in quite a while. I'd never seen her yelling, "Do your homework or you'll never see a TV again!" at her dolls. What was wrong with what I do? Am I not cool enough?

But I decided to stop being such a baby and to be supportive of her new favourite activity instead. So I went up to her, saying,

"Wow! You look busy".

She nodded without looking up.

"Are you typing out a document for work? Or are you doing schoolwork?" I asked, stepping into her world of make-believe.

"No, I'm blogging," she replied without looking up.

I beamed with happiness.

From princess to Cape Flats gangsta

Despite having grown up in a previously 'coloured' area during apartheid, I cannot claim to have lived in a really rough neighbourhood. Since I didn't get out much either (as all my friends were encouraged to play at my house), I really had a pretty sheltered life.


As a result, I based my life views and opinions (which were often so inaccurate) on the very limited exposure I had to the outside world.


For example:
One of my first memories of my family's interaction with a white person was when a burly stern white policeman ordered us off from a 'whites only' beach.
Thus, to me, as a child 'white people = scary people'


I remember seeing big boys with no top front teeth when we'd drive past the shop corner. My parents, who were both teachers at the two high schools in our area, would chat about who the notorious children at their respective schools were. Co-incidentally, all four of these kids had no top front teeth. In addition, one day the adult with whom I was walking in the Main Road, crossed the road to avoid some toothless youths who were interfering with passers-by.
So in my child's mind 'no front teeth = intimidating, non-law-abiding youths and gangsterism'


I have since learned that the 'the passion gap' is not necessarily only popular with Cape Flats gangsters, but with some ordinary 'coloured' folk too. According to this interesting article, one of the reasons for its popularity is based on a sexual myth (which I prefer not to get into, so to learn more about this, you'll have to read the aforementioned article) - and the other is fashion. 

Image taken from above-mentioned article

So now, based on my early ingrained (albeit misguided) beliefs, imagine my alarm when Nuha (7), my precious princess, smiled at me after just having lost her second top incisor. I had to resist the urge to hand over my purse.


My princess has gone from this

    ...very sweet and  unthreatening                                                         


To...

                                                                     

Her older siblings, whose opinions and views on life have not been spoiled by stereotypes, think she looks really cool - like a little vampire. They absolutely love it!


Nuha, herself, is very pleased with her new look. Until recently, she'd been the only one in her class who had still not lost her teeth. She was very pleased to finally be fitting in with her mates, who are all at this age, sporting the toothless look. So a day after she lost her second tooth, I saw her looking in the rear-view mirror in the car.


"What are you thinking, my baby?" I asked worriedly, ready to reassure her that I would not let any Cape Flats gang try to recruit her.


"I'm thinking that I look pretty," she said smiling, shyly.


What a relief, I thought. Now please don't hurt me.

Week 1 done and dusted; and a pledge to Nuha

So the first school week of 2012 has come and almost gone.


It truly has been one of my most challenging weeks in a long time. But it has also been riddled with undeniable blessings.


Firstly regarding my fearful anticipation of driving in the city centre for the first time, which I described in my previous post, let's just say- I had every reason to be fearful. No, I did not struggle with the lane changing and end up in another province, as I had feared would happen. But it had been really really stressful and unpleasant. It has made home schooling seem like a really attractive option.


Shakeel's report card was lost; and then found. That was the first blessing- not only the fact that it was found, but that its contents reminded me of how dedicated this son of mine can be when he sets his mind to something. I am feeling a bit more confident and relaxed about him being in Grade 7 and the fact that we will start applying to high schools soon.


Shakeel had been pleasantly surprised that his teacher, about whom he had had all sorts of negative scary preconceived ideas and misinformation, has turned out to be 'really really cool'. What added to his 'coolness', was the fact that he has a second dan black belt in karate;  which pretty much makes him Shakeel's new hero. I'm glad that my son has something less about which he has to stress this year.


Yesterday Shakeel informed me that Tharaa's teacher (who had been his Grade 5 teacher) is very strict. Perfect. No, I'm not being sarcastic- I really mean that it is perfect for Tharaa. Her teacher last year had been a wonderful, fun-loving, delightful, cheerful and happy person. That type of teacher is perfect for Shakeel, since he needs to loosen up and relax. But for Tharaa, for whom the most important part of school is the playground and field upon which she can practice her cartwheels, a strict teacher is exactly what was needed.


Many afternoons last year she had come home, and much to my frustration, had told me that she had completed her homework in Homework Class (which they have as part of the Aftercare system). She had always said that she left her completed homework at school and that this had been expected of them (to prevent them from forgetting their homework at home).


Okay, I realise now that me believing that rubbish had been stupid. Or maybe just convenient. It was one person less whose work had to be checked. But I had faced the consequences just before exam time, when I looked at her Maths book to draft practice worksheets, just to find that none of her homework examples (upon which my worksheets would have been based), had been completed. Her teacher had left notes like "Homework not completed", but there had never been consequences. And of course the book had never come home with her, despite my numerous requests.


So on Wednesday I was very surprised when my carefree and careless daughter came home and hit the books immediately. What really amused me was the fact that she cried the entire time she was doing her homework. This continued yesterday, by which time her crying and sobbing had become less amusing and more irritating. But thanks to her new strict teacher, she won't dare to pull the crap she did last year. So eyes heavenward, I fall to my knees in sheer gratitude for Tharaa's new teacher being perfectly matched to my daughter's temperament.


And then there's my mixed blessing- the fact that Aisha absolutely refuses to keep on her nappy during the day. Yesterday she asked to pee and, when placed on the toilet, it turned out that she actually did have to pee. But, there is always the anxiety about whether she has left any puddles around, which have yet to be detected. So now walking around the house feels like walking in Sea Point park- with one constantly on the lookout for little 'accidents' into which one might inadvertently step.


As usual my little patient tolerant angel, Nuha enters the picture as if by an after-thought- but the reality is that she is ever-present in my nagging conscience (as she had been for the whole of last year). I'm not sure if all my focus (due to lack of time) is easily averted from her due to her tolerant accepting nature; or if she has been forced to become accepting by virtue of the fact that she is so often overlooked. The other three are so demanding, dramatic, and assertive that I've found myself focusing mainly on them, to the detriment of poor Nuha.


I was actually pleased when she started to speak out in the holidays- insisting a few times that I see to her needs first. This was unusual- it definitely made my life more challenging, but it was necessary. I was not doing a very good job of balancing the needs of the four of them. She had simply been trying to restore the balance (which had not been her job- I should have been more attentive to her needs anyway).


So this year I undertake to become much more organised and disciplined about my time-allocation. Shakeel will have to become more independent of me (which he has already been doing since last year). I will be watching Tharaa like a hawk- there is no way I'm letting a ten-year old get the better of me this year again. (Amazingly she did quite well in her exams though- but this was thanks to pre-examination cramming and not consistently hard work done throughout the year). We are getting a domestic worker to help with light household chores and provide me with some relief with Aisha.


But once the kids return from school, my priority will be spending time assisting Nuha with her homework- before the others descend upon me with their demands, tantrums and tirades.


So with week one survived, let's hope that next week will be smooth sailing.

Nuha's New Years Eve Birthday party- success!!!!

Nuha always laments the fact that her birthday is during the run-up to the New Year celebrations.


Obviously, the poor thing has come to realise that the celebration of her birthday pales in significance and is drowned out by the general hype and excitement of the festive season.


She (like her siblings) start planning their next birthday party a day after their last one, but she has come to realise that many people are away on holiday or have other plans that time of year, so are often unlikely to attend her parties.

So she had thus far been satisfied with having only her cousins over to help her celebrate- obviously, since cousins are family and simply cannot get out of it.

But this year, she has developed a particularly close bond with two friends, Somaya and Jenna. She and Somaya had been best friends in Grade R. They have two completely contrasting personalities; the one complementing the other perfectly.

I remember the first time she met Jenna. It was the nerve-racking first morning in Grade 1. I accompanied my baby to her table, while I tried not to let her see me fight back my own tears. She'd looked so precious in her little school uniform (albeit a hand-me-down from Tharaa). I made conversation, trying to sound excited, when suddenly the cutest, most confident little angel approached her.
"Hello. My name is Jenna. Would you like to be my friend?"
Immediately I was comforted. I knew she would be okay.

So despite the fact that we were holidaying at Goudini on her birthday and were having a very impromptu birthday party the following morning, Nuha insisted that we invite her two darling friends. I found it so embarrassing to spring this last-minute invitation on her friends' mothers, that I insisted my obliging husband make the calls. Luckily, both mommies were such great sports, both agreeing to have their daughters at our place by 11h00 on Saturday morning.

We had already requested that my sister-in-law (who is becoming quite the expert at baking children's party cakes) bake something for Saturday.

Jenna and her mum were the first to arrive. I had never met her mum, so I was a bit nervous doing so (I am regrettably no social butterfly). But I needn't have worried. The mother was as delightful as the daughter is. In no time at all, she was helping to arrange cupcakes on plates, which I greatly appreciated.

Then the cousins and Somaya arrived. The children all hopped into the kids' large 4.5m (diameter) x 1m (height) plastic pool (which fortunately Mo and his assistant, Peter had fixed the night before after a hole in it had caused the entire thing to collapse- sadly causing us to have to watch as an untold amount of precious water flowed freely through the garage, down the little driveway and into the street.

After the kids had had enough of swimming, we served boerewors (sausage) rolls and salads to stave off the hunger until the birthday cake arrived. It was already half past eleven and there was no sign of sis-in-law and the birthday cake.

Since SIL is generally the most punctual person on my side of the family, this was rather surprising. But her tardiness was explained when my brother called asking what time the party was starting. Which is when we had realised that we had completely forgotten to inform them of the time of the party and; hence, when the cake should be here.

This would normally not have been a problem. But since it was New Years eve, we had to wrap up the party earlier than we normally would have; since some of our party guests had had other plans for the evening.

My stress about how to keep the kids occupied until the cake arrived proved unnecessary, since they made their way back into the pool before anyone could stop them.

And then the cake arrived. It was so lovely- it had a picture of a smiling Nuha on the one side; adjacent to a Hello Kitty picture. Covering the sides of the cake was the most delicious icing. And with its moist sponge cake layer, it tasted as good as it looked.

Oh so yummm!!!

Then it was time to sing Happy Birthday to Nuha. Despite the fact that she had been looking forward to this part, well practically all year, the poor child squirmed with embarrassment at all the attention she was receiving. Definitely a case of  'like mother like daughter'.

Someone then suggested that she should then open her presents. I am always very uncomfortable at this stage of the party, as children often don't  hide very well if they do not particularly like a present. I am particularly uncomfortable when I am one of the persons whose present is being opened by the child. I usually sit there as tense as an Idol's contestant waiting to hear if she's been voted out.

But this time I was more concerned about whether my daughter would be gracious to thank everyone and display sufficient gratitude, irrespective of whether she liked the presents she was receiving. Luckily she loved everything she got. I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

She had indicated earlier this year that she wanted a bicycle, but hadn't really insisted, knowing that bicycles are quite costly- and she is generally such a considerate sweetheart. So twelve year old Shakeel and ten year old Tharaa convinced her that she would be receiving Moon Dough for her birthday (about which she was excited enough). So imagine her surprise when older brother and sister  brought out her present (in the most dramatic fashion, I must add), and it turned out to be her much-coveted bicycle.

Shyly, on her way to check out her new bicycle

Her reaction was one of joy, surprise and shyness. She was so overwhelmed that at one stage it looked as if she was actually crying- with joy, I hope (maybe she had really wanted that Moon Dough ???!!) 

Overall the day was lovely. I was so pleased at how much she enjoyed her party. She really really deserved it. The little darling is so eager-to-please, and is really the most uncomplaining of my lot. I am so deeply grateful to everyone who made her day so special.

Who needs a clown at a party when you have Shakeel