A quick catch-up .... and we awaken from our winter lethargy and GET ACTIVE

It's been a while, I know, but life has been really busy for the past few weeks - 'busy' in a good way (mostly), but we've also been dealing with our usual routine of fielding children's project deadlines, tests, homework and daily drama.

In between my responsibilities, I have - for the past few months - been immersing myself in some or other obsession. A few months ago I rejoined the public library and ended up devouring the books I borrowed at such a rate that I'd return to the library every few days to find others to appease my addiction. I read late into the night after the kids were asleep and just after dropping off Aisha (3) at creche in the morning, I'd grab another few minutes of reading time for myself. I'd even leave home early to fetch the kids to give myself 30 minutes of delicious self-indulgent reading time in the car outside their school.

But when my lower back started aching about the month ago, I started going to the gym more regularly as advised by my doctor. That 1 hour and 30 minutes of gym per day effectively put paid to my obsessive reading streak as I now have to squeeze in my commitments. But, on the upside, after a few yoga classes and other strengthening exercise sessions, my aches and pains have subsided and I once again feel like a spring chicken. Okay, maybe not a spring chicken - but at least like the fairly fitter, ever-so-slightly leaner, 1.5 kgs lighter version of my old self.

But, as I've become more active, I've started to feel guilty about the fact that my kids get so little exercise - especially since they broke my heart by quitting karate about 2 months ago (after 2 and a half years of classes). As a result I've been trying to get them outdoors to open spaces during the week whenever possible, since we do not have much space at home. Fortunately my girls attend school in the City Bowl area, which means we are able to take time out by going to Green Point Urban Park after school.

Here the younger two are enjoying some after-school  fun while we waited for Tharaa (11).

Since Shakeel (14)'s school is not in the city, but closer to our home, he does not get the opportunity to join us. One Friday I felt really bad seeing him come home from school looking so drained and lethargic, so I convinced Mo to take us to Green Point before sunset. Even though it was icy, I loved seeing how a few minutes outdoors, jumping on the park equipment, transformed my son from a lethargic drained-looking grumpy teen to the little active boy I've so been missing.

[Please excuse the awful picture quality - these were taken with my phone in fading daylight without a flash (since a flash apparently will not work if the phone battery is on its last legs. Who knew) ]

Not to sound like an old granny or anything, but isn't it sad how, in much of South Africa today, parents no longer feel comfortable letting their kids run about freely (the way we did way back when) for fear of something awful happening to them? And since most people here don't have massive backyards, it leaves children with limited options for free outdoor play.

I hope to take the girls to spend some time on one of the little beaches in Mouille Point after school one day this week. Perhaps they can finish their homework there if need be. Suddenly I'm really looking forward to the week ahead.

Trying to turn around the effects of months of inactivity and poor eating

I'm addicted to sugar. While chocolate definitely is my drug of choice, I am just as easily satisfied by fudge, vanilla cupcakes or ice-cream.

By the end of last year, I was gymming regularly and eating fairly healthily. I was able to control what I ate - in fact, once I'd set out on that path, my cravings for unhealthy food pretty much disappeared.

Instead I craved Dr Oz's green drink, which I found to be the most satisfying thirst quencher during the blistering summer months. (Okay, I have to admit - the first time I tasted it a few years ago, I had to fight back the overwhelming urge to hurl. But 3 glasses later, I not only became accustomed to the taste - it actually became my beverage of choice.)

And then, one night at the beginning of this year, I decided to take a harmless bite of chocolate while watching Vampire Diaries. This led to another - and another - and another - until I'd devoured the entire slab.

And then, as I've seen my husband do, I alternated a teeny bit of something sweet, with something salty. This way I could continue to munch away through 4 episodes of Vampire Diaries without becoming nauseated.

So, over the months, even as our nightly dose of Vampire Diaries was replaced by the newest episodes of New Girl, Arrow, Revenge, The Following and Revolution, my ritual of something-salty-something-sweet which accompanies our TV time, persists. This is bliss for me - I look forward to it all day. I can't wait for the moment that all the kids are in bed, when I can just be transported away from my reality (with grumpy, argumentative, disobedient and cheeky kids and domestic turmoil) to the land of vampires/ quirky room-mates /gorgeous arrow-wielding heroes/  freaky serial killers /brilliant savvy heroines.

But just as the final episode for the night ends, so my guilt begins. Why did I eat so much? I didn't even really feel like that last piece of chocolate. Am I following on the path my father travelled - diagnosed with diabetes one week and then dying from a heart attack the next? And so on and so on and so forth.

This frustration also filtered into other areas of my life. Or perhaps it's fuelled by the stress of the other areas of my life. Either way, I've been feeling really out of control, which just seems to have fuelled the cycle of frustration and over-indulgence. I eat to feel better, but then only end up feeling worse.

But 2 Sundays ago Mo and I decided that enough was enough. Seeing each other's growing paunches reminded us of our own. So, after months of inactivity, we decided to head out for a brisk walk on the Green Point promenade. Although we didn't quite manage to accomplish what we'd set out to, the seed was planted. I started to feel more motivated during the past week.

Then, last Sunday we went to gym after goodness knows how long.

Shakeel (14), Tharaa (11), Nuha (8), Aisha (3) and I heading to gym - with purpose and determination (with Mo obviously playing photographer)

The kids headed off to the pool with their dad, while I did some cardio. As expected, the first few minutes were excruciating, as my lethargic muscles were so rudely awoken from months of inactivity. Then, as if my body remembered what it is capable of, the pain subsided and my pathetic gasps were replaced by even breaths.

I was actually reluctant to end my workout, but it was my turn to watch the kids so that Mo could re-acquaint himself with the exhilarating feeling I had just experienced.

I must admit that as I entered the steamy humid pool area, I felt a bit dizzy. But I managed to remain alert enough to keep Nuha (8) and Aisha (3) from drowning, watch Tharaa (11) perform her usual pool antics and applaud Shakeel (14) as he swam underwater across the pool with just one breath.

Aisha

Enjoying having the pool to themselves

Thankfully Mo returned before I collapsed and we headed home to enjoy a fairly healthy lunch.

Admittedly, I have not cut out chocolate completely. But I have cut down. I'd like to say that I know for sure that I will not have one tonight or tomorrow or the next day. But I can say that I definitely will try - and what's more, for the first time in a while, I feel like I might not need it to reach a happy place.

Now let's hope that none of the kids bring home party packets this afternoon.

Baby steps toward healthy eating

A few months back Mo and I were attending gym regularly, I started to eat more healthily and actually saw the results. I lost a kilo or two and felt amazing - so energetic and chirpy. Then the kids' blasted formal assessments started and gym ceased. Since then we've been really lazy - unable to get back into the swing of things. This led to a downward spiral - both of us have gained back that kilo or two ( a conservative estimate based on wishful thinking) and I became really lethargic, grumpy, lumpy and gross.

Since Ramadaan will be starting soon (in July) we realised that it was time to stop our gluttony and focus on our health. We wanted to ensure that we would fast more easily - I've noticed that fasting becomes difficult when I've been eating unhealthily - instead of feeling normal hunger pangs, I feel this horrible burning sensation in my stomach when I get hungry. Also, being at optimal health will (hopefully) ensure that we have sufficient energy to get through the days ahead.

So, a few days ago I dragged my wobbly butt back to gym. I hadn't anticipated how difficult it would be to restart my workout programme. It was so much easier when I'd started for the first time a few months ago. Anyway, after grunting and sweating my way through 25 minutes of anguish, a voice (which at that moment seemed like the sweetest voice in the world) released me from my torment by announcing that the gym was now closed.

I have also been reading up on improving one's health. While standing in the Pick 'n Pay checkout queue, I even put down the copy of Cosmopolitan and chose the Natural Medicine magazine instead (that, in itself, felt like an achievement). But I'm glad I chose it - while many people still view homeopaths and natural medicine practitioners as kooks, I can't help but feel like they might have a point - maybe Western medicine doesn't have all the answers. Maybe we should focus on ways to prevent disease through healthy living rather than simply popping pills when disease strikes.

An article by Dr Elson M Haas on ''The Purification Process'' explains how one can improve health and prevent disease by balancing the need to

(i) treat deficiency (where the body lacks sufficient nutrients to meet its needs) on the one hand, and

(ii) treat congestion (where the body is unable to get rid of all the toxins with which we fill our bodies).

I tend to focus on the first part - deficiency, always convinced that every niggling ache or pain can be healed by taking some or other nutritional supplement. This article makes it clear that this is only part of the equation, the other being ridding the body of the toxins congesting it.

For me the first part of the process described is easy - eat healthy balanced meals and take a nutritional supplement (since food nutrient levels are lower because of lack of soil minerals). The second step - purifying the body - is a bit tricky for me. It involves 'clearing the body of habits or abuses and even addictions' by staying a way from caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, food chemicals, etc. The two toxins I will struggle to eliminate would be the sugar in food and the toxins in beauty products/cosmetics.

I honestly don't know how to cut out sugar, even for a short time. I have tried on numerous occasions, but always end up succumbing to the craving. (Thank goodness, I'm not allowed (by my religion) to consume alcohol / drugs - with my total lack of willpower, I would most likely end up the talentless middle-aged version of Amy Winehouse).

As for the toxins in beauty products, I'm not too despondent yet, since I haven't tried natural products yet. For all I know there is an amazing product out there that can keep my dry ageing leathery skin from fossilizing completely, the way my tried and tested Clinique Superdefense cream seems to do .

But for now I'm trying sl-o-w-l-y to focus on the healthy eating. I have not managed to cut out sugar or other additives completely yet, but I'm focusing rather on including more fresh fruit, vegetables, water and herbal teas (which I love).

Here's proof of my dedication. I started to change my all my lunches to include salad or pan-roasted veggies (whatever I can find in the fridge).

Here I happened to find green beans and carrots which I pan-roasted in olive oil and flavoured with salt (just a pinch), pepper, a sprig of rosemary and my new ( well, new to me), favourite culinary discovery - Garlic Addict by Cape Herb & Spice. This fragrant seasoning consists of roasted garlic, onion, red pepper, sea salt, black peppercorns, green pepper and parsley - and none of the unpronouncable ingredients which make other seasonings so unhealthy. I had this with boiled eggs. Oh, and a slice of brown toast (because I'd starve without my carbs).

Now this is going to sound like a tall tale, but I had a KFC salad for lunch today, while everyone else ordered rounders and Streetwise meals. I even took a picture of it to add to my healthy list of lunches to show you. Then I accidentally deleted it. I know it sounds unbelievable, but I swear it's true. This was definitely my least favourite healthy lunch for the week - not because there was anything wrong with the meal itself, but because I really do not enjoy raw lettuce. For me, the flavour (or lack of it) just does not justify me having to chew and chew and chew with my remaining four molars. Again, I must add, there was nothing wrong with this salad - let's just blame it on my lack of chewing teeth.

I have to admit that my suppers are a bit more difficult to amend, because I am cooking for four kids and a husband, who - although he should be eating more healthily- just does not seem to want to do so. A plate of veggies on the dinner table evokes varying reactions from my kids. Aisha (2) and Nuha (7) respond with excitement - even exhiliration, Shakeel (13) consumes it resignedly, while Tharaa (10) bursts into tears of panicked horror. Whether creamed, steamed or stir-fried, her reaction to veggies is always the same.

So, as you can see, I really am just taking baby steps. Nothing too dramatic. But I am starting to feel better. Less bloated. More positive - at least I'm doing something to address my expanding waistline instead of just glaring at myself in the mirror.

I'll keep you updated if I manage to keep this up and improve on it. If I relapse, I'll just delete this post and pretend I'd never written it.

Feeling crappy- with no one but myself to blame

Not too long ago I did a blog post on how I was starting to exercise by walking. I also did a post on my recent discovery that I had been diagnosed as having suffered from a anorexia all these years.


I'm not sure at which point in the last few weeks I started going too far again.


Walks for three blocks at the beginning soon became brisk walks for about twelve blocks, followed by Pilates and a further rigorous exercise session upon arriving back home.


That in itself was not the problem. The problem was that old habits die hard. Once I started exercising again, I soon lost my appetite. This was aggravated by the stress of the kids formal assessments over the past few weeks.


A few days ago I noticed that I was starting to get dizzy when I stood up too fast. I thought I'd remedy this by taking some ferrous sulphate tablets. Despite this, I started to feel worse.


It was no surprise to me when I easily picked up Aisha's cold, but instead of it just ending there, I spent Friday lying down with the most terrible body cramps and headache as well. I felt weak- it was as if I was trying to move around with weights attached to my hands and feet. Aisha cried to be picked up- and I cried because I was in too much pain to do so. This was an all too familiar feeling, as I had gotten ill quickly in those bad old days, and I very often struggled to recover from a simple cold. Yesterday I was nauseous all day, although I did manage to eat a bit last night.


I think I shall be taking a break from exercising for a bit- until I feel a bit stronger. I shall also have to consciously take the time to eat- irrespective of whether I feel like it or not.

How fear and tea led me to my happy place

Way back in my youth, the gym was one of the few places in which I did not feel socially awkward. My social phobia (self-diagnosed) has worsened since I stopped working and have become increasingly isolated from the outside world.

I would love to return to gym, but it just is not possible at the moment. I have been thinking about running or even brisk walking as a form of exercise. But since it entailed leaving the house by myself, I have invented every excuse in the book to delay it- until Monday morning, that is.

Anna, the domestic worker who comes in once a week, usually enjoys a cup of tea upon arrival. This morning cuppa, downgrades her general demeanour from extremely
grumpy to just plain grumpy. So imagine my horror when Monday rolled around and I realised that we had run out of tea.

Despite the fact that it was chilly and windy outside, I preferred to brave the elements rather than face the wrath of Anna. So I bundled a confused Aisha into her pram, and set off for the supermarket three blocks away. As the icy wind hit  our faces, Aisha shrieked with delight. Walking outside down the road with Mommy- this was a first.

I sped to and from the supermarket in no time, bringing the lifesaving tea in the nick of time. Operation 'Saving Sulky Anna' had been a success.

But the more enduring consequence of this outing had been an invigorating and blood-pumping workout, which had left me feeling uncharacteristically happy. I did, however, feel sleepy for the rest of the day. Exercise tends to do that to me. I am always amazed at my brother, who enjoys a vigorous workout every morning at 7 am before going to work feeling rejuvenated.

But the positive effects of my light exercise had been enough for me to do it again the following day. This time I walked around our block, then the next one and the next one, then after that around the perimeter of the three blocks. I increased the distance a bit each day.

If any observer in our area should happen to behold a lean, superfit mommy, with a ripped body in designer sportsgear, pushing a baby in a state-of-the-art three wheel jogging stroller, you can almost be certain that that mommy is..yep, my opposite neighbour Sarah.

But, not to brag, I am sure that I appear just as remarkable as Sarah does- definitely not a sight to be overlooked or easily forgotten. Huffing and puffing and panting, with my one hand on my rickety pram and the other holding up my oversized tracksuit pants, which is constantly threatening to drop to my knees, I can be seen looking rather politically incorrect with my orange, white and blue hijab flapping violently in the wind, looking much like the Old South African flag.

I walk briskly so as to keep my heart rate up and when I am absolutely sure that no one is looking, I start running with the pram. Until I spot someone looking, in which case I reduce my speed to a casual stroll, faking an air of bored nonchalance, which continues until the coast is once again clear, when I break into another crazy dash. I'm sure poor Aisha wishes she had the vocabulary to tell me how embarrassed she is.

This light exercise has already had a positive impact on me physically, in that my energy levels have increased tremendously. My improved mood can apparently be attributed to the fact that one's brain releases endorphins, adrenaline, serotonin and dopamine when one exercises.

So, in the end, I am very glad that I had been forced out of the house on Monday morning. Thank goodness my Anna-phobia was greater than my social phobia.