Girls afternoon out - special moments at Pepperazzi

As the parents of four kids, we sometimes find ourselves failing miserably in our attempt to balance the time and attention we spend on each respective child. Unfortunately it is often the child who is being the most difficult, or creating the most problems who ends up getting the most attention.
In our family, little Aisha (2) is most often the recipient of our energies and attention. While Shakeel (13) and Tharaa (10) are able to forcefully claim our attention by screaming or moaning loudly enough, it is 7 year old Nuha who fades into the background, unnoticed and unheard. We therefore have to make a conscious effort to set aside time for her whenever possible.
 
We realised that we had to consciously carve out time for each child. We’d do this by arranging for one of us to have one-on-one time with each one of them, while the other looks after the remaining three. We hoped to do this as often as possible.

A few months ago I took Tharaa out for a sushi lunch. We had fully intended this to be the first of many, once her siblings had had their turns. We do not include Aisha in this queue- for- attention because, as centre of the universe, she already owns all our time.

Since learning that the Avengers (2012) would be hitting the movie circuit this year, their dad, Mo has been using Shakeel as an excuse  planning to spend his one-on-one time with Shakeel by sharing this amazing movie experience with him. (Imagine, all these Marvel superheroes in one movie! I’m on the edge of my seat with barely-contained excitement *dripping with sarcasm* ). They planned to attend this life –changing event this past weekend.

As usual, Nuha has thus far been the one to fall through the cracks. So, this weekend I was to take her to lunch. But cowards that we are, Mo and I could not bear Tharaa’s nagging, so (I’m ashamed to say) we decided to include her in Nuha’s one-on-one lunch.

We headed to Pepperazzi in Canal Walk. There was a slight wait for our orders to arrive, because the place was absolutely packed. The girls passed the time playing games and bickering.

I ordered an avocado and pineapple steak burger. Either I was really hungry by the time the food arrived, or this was one of the most satisfying restaurant meals I’ve had in a long time.

 Nuha ordered a simple kiddies beef burger and chips
  

  

Tharaa ordered the kiddies ribs and chips. 

Tharaa had us wishing that we'd ordered the ribs too

A picture's worth a thousand words

  
Although they enjoyed our little outing, I cannot in good conscience count this as Nuha's one-on-one time with me. I am really looking forward to spending some 'alone-time' with my deserving little daughter.

Despite their bickering during our outing, I will always cherish the wonderful moments we shared on our outing and am looking forward to doing it again.

School, homework, gym/karate, madrassah- is this overscheduling?

I always compare my childhood - during which I remember playing outside with friends, climbing the tree in our backyard, riding bicycles, rollerskating, playing hopscotch, playing in the park etc - with the type of lives children lead today.


Children today seem to be so busy; always involved in some or other structured after-school activity. According to an article I read, some of the negative effects of overscheduling in our kids' lives include kids:
- feeling tired, anxious, or depressed
- complaining of headaches and stomach aches, which may be due to stress, missed meals, or lack of  sleep
- falling behind in their schoolwork, causing their grades to drop


I promised myself that I would never burden my kids that way.


However this week, I feel as if I have been doing just that.


We recently joined the gym (as a family). We did not merely embark upon this (rather expensive) activity for pleasure alone - I believe that Mo and I really need it (with his terrifyingly high blood pressure and my frustratingly out-of-control stress and anxiety levels).


We'd been talking about going running for ages, but this has just never materialised since we did not have anyone to look after the two youngest kids. Gym has provided the perfect solution, since there is a well-supervised play centre for the two youngest, while the two older kids are allowed to use most of the cardio equipment.


However, the kids also have karate on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturday mornings. I'm not too strict about them attending karate in the week, but this week I insisted since they will be grading on Saturday.


In addition to gym and karate, the kids also usually have a mountain of homework. Although, come to think of it, I'm not sure if the volume is really the reason it takes hours to complete, or if they just drag it out since they have nothing else to do in the afternoons.


Another activity still to be added to the list, is madrassah (Islamic school). Now I remember coming home from school every afternoon and skipping off to madrassah every afternoon from Monday to Thursday - yet I recall still having loads of play-time afterward.


So we are looking at sending them to madrassah on a Sunday morning for three hours.


Their free time for the week will therefore include: an hour before bedtime, Fridays after school, Saturday after karate and Sunday after madrassah.


I can't help but worry that we might be depriving them of unstructured time for free play.


So their schedules will be as follows:


Monday - Thursday
7:55 - 14:30    --          School


15:10               --         Arrive home


15:10 - 15:30   --         Break


15:30 - 17:30   --         Homework


17:30 - 18:30 ish--      Gym / Karate


18:45               --          Arrive home


18:45 - 19:20   --         Supper and Bathtime (for all)


19:20 - 20:30   --         Play / Relax until bedtime

I think we can be more flexible with gym on Fridays, so as to give them the entire afternoon after school (and evening) to themselves.

Saturday karate is from 10:30 - 12:30.
Sunday madrassah is also in the morning some time.

I know that the detail provided by this post is incredibly mundane, but I'm really just using this to formulate my thoughts. (In fact seeing their time-table laid out like this is really helpful to me - until now their weekly schedule has just appeared to me as a busy blur).

About the free time I'm so intent on preserving for them - let's face it, with our lifestyle and surroundings, my kids would not be cycling outside (due to lack of safety), climbing trees, playing hopscotch or enjoying the fresh outdoor air. They'd most likely be glued to the TV, or sneakily playing games on my phone (since playing Playstation during the week is prohibited).

But still, isn't the point that they be given enough free time within which to do as they wish (within set limits, of course)?

The question is - is the free time they have available for themselves, sufficient? Are we over-burdening them with activities?

It is very challenging to establish a schedule which meets everyone's varied needs (including Mo's and my health needs). The best I can do for now is to stick to this schedule provisionally and monitor each of the kids carefully.

Perhaps I'm over-thinking (the way I always tend to do). But, like all parents, I really just want the best for my kids.