A short, but welcome study break - off to Hout Bay we go

Yesterday late afternoon we decided to grant Shakeel (14) a much-needed break from studying. Our stress levels had been running quite high all weekend since he is writing Maths, Natural Science, Social Sciences (History and Geography), English and Life Orientation this week.

We headed off to Snoekies in Hout Bay for a very late lunch. Since I hadn't been there in quite a while, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they now also make provision for those of us with a sweet tooth by selling a tiny assortment of little cakes and coffee. Since I was in no mood for seafood and chips yesterday, I was really happy to make dessert the highlight of my meal.

After lunch (which was really closer to supper time) we headed off to the sand dunes as we usually do, as the prospect of running and leaping down the dunes is the main reason the kids want to come to Hout Bay. But, by the time we headed in the direction of the beach, the temperature had dropped considerably and, to our surprise even Aisha (3), who has a serious aversion to long-sleeves, asked for a jacket (since I hadn't packed one for her, she was contented to drown in her dad's).

The kids were disappointed that their plans to tackle the dunes had been foiled, so - to make it up to them - we headed off to KFC to get avalanches for the older 3 and a small ice-cream for Aisha (since it is never too cold for ice-cream apparently).

As we headed around the bend out of Hout Bay, entering Llundudno, we were - as we usually are - completely taken aback by the spectacular views. We pulled over to the side of the road just adjacent to the spot where the most impressive African art and sculptures were being sold, where we enjoyed our dessert.

And then, as usual, Aisha could not finish her ice-cream. When I reprimanded her for wasting food, she retaliated by throwing my own words back at me, "But ice-cream is unhealthy," she chided. "Why did you buy it for me? You are naughty, mommy - you know it will make me sick."

Despite the cold, the children enjoyed playing on the grass patch while we admired the views (which will really never - no matter how many times one witnesses it - cease to amaze).

Although brief, the afternoon was lovely and served to rejuvenate Shakeel, which allowed him to study for a further 2 hours.

I pray that he and all the other learners writing exams this week achieve excellence in all their tests.

"Mommy, what's a cassette?"

When Shakeel (14) disagrees with me about something, he often tries to argue that, "Things were different in your day. You didn't have the technology we have today. You just don't understand how the world works". That is, of course, just before I punish him for sassing me by taking away his Playstation.

And yes, I am struggling to keep up with the way the world is changing. But, like I try to explain to them, not all these changes are positive and it actually saddens me that my kids are growing up so far removed from the far-more-wholesome lifestyles many of us had when we were growing up. A few decades ago the streets were always abuzz with activity as children played OUTSIDE from the moment they got home from school until they had to go inside. 

Granted, children today are swamped with homework and have far less leisure time than we did back then, but my kids prefer to spend the free time they do have in front of the TV or computer instead of playing outside. I was absolutely mortified the first time I offered to take my kids to the park and they refused because "running around is too tiring and, besides, it's too hot".

I remember one day in particular when my friends and I were playing a game that involved the boys chasing the girls around the block (I don't remember the rules exactly). But what I do remember - running down Clare Road Wynberg - apart from the feeling of my lungs burning and my little legs aching with exhaustion (probably after being chased around the block for the 3rd time) was the absolute exhilaration of that moment. I realised that I was having so much fun.

I also think back to the icy weekday winter afternoons when my cousins and I would search for tadpoles on my grandfather's smallholding, parts of which used to dam up during winter. Those memories are so precious.

It saddens me that my kids are not experiencing such priceless moments in their daily lives. Yes, we take them on outings to beautiful places and they go on holidays to scenic destinations where we do share amazing moments and create special memories. But it is not that to which I am referring. When my kids think back to their weekday afternoons and just their daily lives as a whole, what will they remember fondly? Hours of homework followed by an hour or two of illicit screen time they manage to sneak in while I'm too busy to police them? That thought saddens me.

But the funny thing for me is that they don't regard themselves as being in a less fortunate situation (if compared to our upbringing). I'm not suggesting that modern day changes and technological advances are negative per se, as so much of our lives has been improved and expedited because of these developments. In fact, I too would be reluctant to return to a world without Internet. But, it has also caused us to lose so much. When my kids were younger, they would ask me to tell them about the fun we'd had as children and they'd even lament the fact that their lifestyles were so radically different and so dull in comparison. But, as they are getting older, I know that the older two cannot conceive of a life without modern technology for the purposes of entertainment. They laugh at the thought of us using our imaginations for entertainment instead of TV (even though we had TVs). In fact, apart from McGuyver, the A-Team, CHiPs or whatever the main attraction was on TV that night, TVs really didn't dominate our lives. 

They find it strange that we got our news from newspapers every single day and not from news websites. Shakeel, who enjoys demonstrating his DJing skills using the Virtual DJ programme, laughs at the music to which we listened back then, while I respond with the words my father spoke to me, "How can you listen to this rubbish? What we listened to back in our day - now THAT was music!"

I'm always amazed when Shakeel's friends spend time in our company without, for a moment, looking up from their cell phones. Apart from it being extremely disrespectful to whoever is in their company, how does one maintain friendships when your time together is spent chatting to OTHER people on your BB or Whatsapp? This is why Shakeel only got a phone recently - a hand-me-down from his dad, with no facility to chat, thank goodness. Yet, from the beginning, I could already see the negative impact this was having on him and his relationship with the rest of the family. Instead of speaking to us, he would sit and play games or download music and Naruto memes. But the final straw, the moment that caused me to snap and lay down the law (concerning his phone) in the most intimidating and scariest way, came when, one day I called for him  to help me with something and he didn't pitch. After a few minutes, Tharaa (11) came to tell me that he had his earphones plugged in and was listening to music on his phone. Despite my infuriation, I realised that it was our fault - we should have laid down the law more clearly BEFORE giving him the phone.

My older two enjoy teasing us about our age with questions such as, "Mommy, how long did it take you to get to school by horse and cart?" or "Mommy, you won't understand - you were born in the previous millenium" or " How did you celebrate the first day with electricity?"

Some of their questions are genuine inquiries, as they are unable to comprehend a world without cell phones and internet, but sometimes I get the impression that the latest technological advances with which they are growing up also seem to give them an annoyingly superior air. But that is when I remind them firmly (and sometimes a bit harshly) that irrespective of how much the world changes, what will never become outdated are the values with which we are trying to raise them, of which respect is tantamount.

So when I saw this on Facebook this morning, I immediately thought of my older two kids.

One happy unicorn

Despite the fact that Aisha (3) is my fourth child, I am so out of my depth when it comes to parenting her. 

She is delightful, funny, witty and so clever. I am amazed at the well-reasoned arguments of which she is capable. Well, amazed and sometimes irritated - because she is the only one of my kids, who at the age of 3, won't simply accept anything I say if she finds it to be illogical. She'll argue and argue until she proves her point.

She is also capable of wit and irony that has us completely dumbfounded. Her funny little sayings often have us in stitches, which then have her older siblings showering her with hugs and kisses.

But she is also the most stubborn and challenging of my kids (with Nuha, 8, coming in a close second). Even the most routine tasks present an uphill battle - dressing, eating, getting into the car - she challenges me at every turn.

She'll only wear very specific clothing items (she won't wear anything she considers to be boyish); she is fussy about what she eats and argues incessantly when I try to buckle her into the car seat. She hates wearing anything with long sleeves and refuses to be covered with a blanket even in the coldest weather. 

Even on Sunday, when Cape Town was covered in hail resembling a blanket of snow, I had to struggle to get her to wear something over her short sleeved T-shirt before we went out.

Cape Town on Sunday : Image obtained here

Cape Town (Sea Point) on Sunday: Image obtained here

And then there's her hair. A while back she wouldn't tie her hair at all. Then, a few months later, she would only have a ponytail positioned exactly halfway down the back of her head the way Nuha wore hers. So when she wanted her hair tied, she'd issue the order saying, "Mommy, will you please tie my hair up and down like Nuha's?" - 'up and down' referred to the place she wanted it positioned at the back of her head- not too high, not too low, squarely in the middle. But since she issued this order so often (as she has her hair tied and retied a few times a day), the order became, "Mommywillyoupleasetiemyhairupanddownlikenuha's" or she'd simply, from sheer laziness,  reduce it to random words in the request, like "mommypleasetieupdownnuha".

But, it is her latest hairstyle preference which presents a bit of a challenge. She has decided that she wants to be a unicorn, so her ponytail or plait has to be placed right in front of her head to resemble an unicorn's horn. 

This morning she wore it to school like this for the first time, attracting curious and amused glances from other parents and teachers alike. 

Yaayyy, long sleeves!!!!!!!

But I am happy - she went to school merrily with absolutely no tears or tantrums. Also, she allowed me to dress her in long sleeves without any arguments at all. So, I'm having a good day, Alhamdulillah. She can don her quirky hairstyle everyday if she would just always be as cooperative and happy as she was this morning. 

A very kind blog reader offers her valuable input - the Erik Erikson's Eight Stages of Development

Last week I did a post on how concerned I was about the fact that Aisha (3) was taking so long to adjust to school life. I really was at a loss as to how I was meant to deal with this issue and was becoming quite depressed as a result. I wondered if her behaviour was normal or if I should, in fact, be worried about the fact that there might be a bigger problem causing her behaviour.

A very kind and unselfish reader responded by sharing her knowledge on parenting, which is based both on her own experience, as well as her training.

YH is the mom of 3 little girls spaced 20 and 21 months apart - respectively ( 9,7,5 years old).

She was trained in child development while studying Nursing at UCT. This is where she was exposed to the Erik Erikson stages of development, which she has found to be incredibly useful in parenting her own children. “I use it as a guideline, especially when I am desperate and very challenged with parenting situations. I would refer back to my child's age and then compare against the developmental phase she is experiencing.”

She goes on to say that this model allows her to understand the possible reasons for her children’s behaviour and often provides ways in which she can deal with it. It also provides her with some sort of context or a yardstick by which to measure her children’s development.

She attached a very informative lengthy piece of information on the Erik Erikson stages of development which includes the stages of sexual development (which, although not relevant to my situation with Aisha, was very informative and I have therefore included it below as well). Since I have ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE of the topic, I have just copied and pasted her entire document unedited.

"ERIK ERIKSON STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT

This page presents an overview of the developmental tasks involved in the social and emotional development of children and teenagers which continues into adulthood. The presentation is based on the Eight Stages of Development developed by psychiatrist, Erik Erikson in 1956.

According to Erikson, the socialization process consists of eight phases – the “eight stages of man.” His eight stages of man were formulated, not through experimental work, but through wide – ranging experience in psychotherapy, including extensive experience with children and adolescents from low – as well as upper – and middle – social classes. Each stage is regarded by Erikson as a “psychosocial crisis,” which arises and demands resolution before the next stage can be satisfactorily negotiated. These stages are conceived in an almost architectural sense: satisfactory learning and resolution of each crisis is necessary if the child is to manage the next and subsequent ones satisfactorily, just as the foundation of a house is essential to the first floor, which in turn must be structurally sound to support and the second story, and so on.

Erikson’s Eight Stages of Development

1. Learning Basic Trust Versus Basic Mistrust (Hope)

Chronologically, this is the period of infancy through the first one or two years of life. The child, well – handled, nurtured, and loved, develops trust and security and a basic optimism. Badly handled, he becomes insecure and mistrustful.

2. Learning Autonomy Versus Shame (Will)

The second psychosocial crisis, Erikson believes, occurs during early childhood, probably between about 18 months or 2 years and 3½ to 4 years of age. The “well – parented” child emerges from this stage sure of himself, elated with his new found control, and proud rather than ashamed. Autonomy is not, however, entirely synonymous with assured self – possession, initiative, and independence but, at least for children in the early part of this psychosocial crisis, includes stormy self – will, tantrums, stubbornness, and negativism. For example, one sees may 2 year olds resolutely folding their arms to prevent their mothers from holding their hands as they cross the street. Also, the sound of “NO” rings through the house or the grocery store.

3. Learning Initiative Versus Guilt (Purpose)

Erikson believes that this third psychosocial crisis occurs during what he calls the “play age,” or the later preschool years (from about 3½ to, in the United States culture, entry into formal school). During it, the healthily developing child learns: (1) to imagine, to broaden his skills through active play of all sorts, including fantasy (2) to cooperate with others (3) to lead as well as to follow. Immobilized by guilt, he is: (1) fearful (2) hangs on the fringes of groups (3) continues to depend unduly on adults and (4) is restricted both in the development of play skills and in imagination.

4. Industry Versus Inferiority (Competence)

Erikson believes that the fourth psychosocial crisis is handled, for better or worse, during what he calls the “school age,” presumably up to and possibly including some of junior high school. Here the child learns to master the more formal skills of life: (1) relating with peers according to rules (2) progressing from free play to play that may be elaborately structured by rules and may demand formal teamwork, such as baseball and (3) mastering social studies, reading, arithmetic. Homework is a necessity, and the need for self-discipline increases yearly. The child who, because of his successive and successful resolutions of earlier psychosocial crisis, is trusting, autonomous, and full of initiative will learn easily enough to be industrious. However, the mistrusting child will doubt the future. The shame – and guilt-filled child will experience defeat and inferiority.

5. Learning Identity Versus Identity Diffusion (Fidelity)

During the fifth psychosocial crisis (adolescence, from about 13 or 14 to about 20) the child, now an adolescent, learns how to answer satisfactorily and happily the question of “Who am I?” But even the best – adjusted of adolescents experiences some role identity diffusion: most boys and probably most girls experiment with minor delinquency; rebellion flourishes; self – doubts flood the youngster, and so on.

Erikson believes that during successful early adolescence, mature time perspective is developed; the young person acquires self-certainty as opposed to self-consciousness and self-doubt. He comes to experiment with different – usually constructive – roles rather than adopting a “negative identity” (such as delinquency). He actually anticipates achievement, and achieves, rather than being “paralyzed” by feelings of inferiority or by an inadequate time perspective. In later adolescence, clear sexual identity – manhood or womanhood – is established. The adolescent seeks leadership (someone to inspire him), and gradually develops a set of ideals (socially congruent and desirable, in the case of the successful adolescent). Erikson believes that, in our culture, adolescence affords a “psychosocial moratorium,” particularly for middle – and upper-class American children. They do not yet have to “play for keeps,” but can experiment, trying various roles, and thus hopefully find the one most suitable for them.

6. Learning Intimacy Versus Isolation (Love)

The successful young adult, for the first time, can experience true intimacy – the sort of intimacy that makes possible good marriage or a genuine and enduring friendship.

7. Learning Generativity Versus Self-Absorption (Care)

In adulthood, the psychosocial crisis demands generativity, both in the sense of marriage and parenthood, and in the sense of working productively and creatively.

8. Integrity Versus Despair (Wisdom)

If the other seven psychosocial crisis have been successfully resolved, the mature adult develops the peak of adjustment; integrity. He trusts, he is independent and dares the new. He works hard, has found a well – defined role in life, and has developed a self-concept with which he is happy. He can be intimate without strain, guilt, regret, or lack of realism; and he is proud of what he creates – his children, his work, or his hobbies. If one or more of the earlier psychosocial crises have not been resolved, he may view himself and his life with disgust and despair.

These eight stages of man, or the psychosocial crises, are plausible and insightful descriptions of how personality develops but at present they are descriptions only. We possess at best rudimentary and tentative knowledge of just what sort of environment will result, for example, in traits of trust versus distrust, or clear personal identity versus diffusion. Helping the child through the various stages and the positive learning that should accompany them is a complex and difficult task, as any worried parent or teacher knows. Search for the best ways of accomplishing this task accounts for much of the research in the field of child development.

Socialization, then is a learning – teaching process that, when successful, results in the human organism’s moving from its infant state of helpless but total egocentricity to its ideal adult state of sensible conformity coupled with independent creativity.

Children and young people constitute more than half of the global population today. Many of them face various challenges of HIV & AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases, gender inequality and discrimination. Currently, the emotional, social and health needs of young people are not being fully met. Young people face increasing pressures regarding sex and sexuality including conflicting messages and norms.

Sex refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as females and males. Sexuality is everything that goes into making you a human being. This includes sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life. It is restricted by laws, moral standard, family and personal values and social norms that are determined by the distribution of power and decision making in society. It is linked to self-esteem, body image, identity, ideas about love, dating, ‘hooking up”, breaking up, pleasure, marriage and ideas of what is right and wrong.

Children express their sexuality differently depending on their cultural background, access to information, social and economic status and their experience of sexual abuse. Each child should be introduced to sex and sexuality at a different age depending on their own physical and psychological development. Evidence has shown that positive or negative first exposure to sex has strong influence on the course of sexual discovery and practice throughout life.

According to Peel Public Health (2007) the different stages of children’s sexual development are:

Birth to age 2

•             Learn about love &trust through loving relationships with parents and their caregivers

•             Explore their bodies, including their genitals

•             May have erections or lubricate vaginally

•             Experience genital pleasure

•             Begin to learn expected behaviours

•             Begin to notice differences between the bodies of boys and girls, children and adults     

         

Ages 3- 5

•             Become very curious about bodies, and the differences between boys and girls

•             May play house, or doctor or other forms of body exploration or “sex play” with friends

•             Learn that they are either male or female

•             Learn about male/female roles by observing others

•             Enjoy learning about and talking about body parts and functions

•             Find adult bathroom activities very interesting

•             May ask questions about pregnancy and birth such as: “Where did I come from?”

•             May learn words relsted to sex and try using them

•             May mimic adult sexual behaviour

•             May begin to masturbate

Ages 6-8

•             Begin to have strong friendships with children of the same sex

•             Be affected by stories they hear in the media(e.g. about AIDS or abuse)

•             Have definite ideas about male and female roles

•             Have a basic sexual orientation and identity

•             Want to be like their peers; for example, boys may feel pressured to choose the type of toys and activities that other boys choose

•             May engage in name – calling and teasing

•             May continue with sex play

•             May begin to masturbate             

Ages 9-12

•             May begin the changes of puberty

•             Become more modest and want privacy

•             Continue to value same sex friendships

•             May experience increased sexual feelings and fantasies

•             Develop crushes on friends, older teens, teachers, rock starts, etc. Romantic feelings may be directed towards the same sex and/or the opposite sex.

•             May take part in sexual exploration with peers

•             May masturbate to orgasm

•             May have to face decisions about sex and drugs

Ages 13 – 18

•             Complete the changes of puberty

•             Place great value on independence

•             Experience increased sexual feelings and desire physical closeness with a partner

•             May face peer pressure to be sexually active whether or not they feel ready

•             May change close friendships in favour of romantic relationships

•             May make choices which lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases

•             May have to face violence in relationships ( Sexual harassment, date rape, etc)

The ways that children experience and express, or choose not to express their sexuality is influenced by their biology, their emotional lives, their family lives, their culture and their own status in that culture, their ethical, religious and spiritual upbringing and experience.

If children are encouraged to explore issues surrounding their sexuality, before they become sexually active whether by choice, coercion or necessity, it better prepares them to meet the challenges that they might face on various aspects of their sexuality. Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) for children are recognised as a necessity for the reduction of STI’s including HIV&AIDS."

Thank you so much to YH for taking the time to share this information. It is deeply appreciated.

Aisha's struggle to adjust at school - and my resultant heartache

It is almost June - almost halfway through the year. By now kids are usually settled into their new schools and routines, have established their friendships and alliances for the year and know who their favourite teachers are.

Last year I remember telling Mo that I wished it was April 2013, because by then, we'd be over the worst. Shakeel (14) would be settled at high school (he started Grade 8 at the beginning of this year) and Aisha (3) would have adjusted to creche/playschool by then. She was of particular concern to me since, until then, she and I had always been at home alone; playing, arguing, crying and laughing. By the beginning of this year she had not established many relationships outside our home - she was even shy of her aunts and uncles whom we see fairly regularly.

Everyone assured me that it would be okay - she'd adjust quickly as children are resilient. Although I have 3 other kids, I had none of my own experiences and memories to draw on, since I was working at the time and, clearly had not been very tuned in to my other kids experiences [I admire moms who are able to do it all]. Either that, or I have just managed to block out some very unpleasant memories.

But, as it turned out, I was right to be concerned. In fact, assuming that she'd be settled by April had been too optimistic an assumption. She still cries most mornings, especially after weekends or holidays. The fact that she is suffering from creche syndrome - getting sick every other week - just makes matters worse, as staying out of school so often makes the adjustment process so much harder.

This happened over the past few days. She was home ill since Friday. This morning (Tuesday) went just as we'd expected - if not worse. She refused to dress at home, so we packed her clothes and bundled her into the car. Upon arriving at the school she started to scream hysterically. Mo put on the car heater and started to warm up her clothes, while I had the unenviable task of dressing a kicking and screaming toddler. Each time I'd put on an item of clothing, she'd pull it back off.

I felt frustrated and sad. My heart broke when, through her tears she kept saying, "Mommy, listen to me - please just listen to me". But what was I supposed to do when all she wanted to tell me was that she really didn't want to go to school. I tried to hug her, but she was hysterical and pushed me away angrily.

I realise that coddling her makes things worse, so - although it breaks my heart to do so - I treat her with firmness. She has this routine where she wants us each to kiss her thrice and then hug her thrice. If it ended there, all would be well, but she then proceeds to ask for more kisses and hugs merely to delay our departure, which seems to irritate her teacher, who is usually holding her by that point.

I am doubting our decision to send her to school. On the one hand, she is okay when I fetch her - in fact last week she was actually upset that I'd come to disturb her drawing and colouring time when I collected her from her after-care class. But, on the whole she really isn't over-enthusiastic about school. When I ask her how her day was, she'll often respond with, "I'll tell you later", which she hardly ever does.

Her sadness breaks my heart

Mo and I discussed the idea of keeping her home, but this doesn't seem to be the right thing to do if I consider how she is when she and I are at home alone. She still refuses to play by herself - she needs me to sit and play by her all the time. Yesterday, she cried each time I left her to do household chores. She wanted me to sit and play with her or read to her all day. She even resisted the idea of us heading outside or to a mall. My concern is not only that I am unable to get anything done with her here (I only made my bed when Mo came home at 17:00 yesterday afternoon), but more the fact that she becomes COMPLETELY dependent on me when she is at home. I am also concerned about the fact that she refuses to go outside with me, preferring to sit indoors and draw, read  or watch movies all day. I often wonder if she is emulating me - since I, too prefer to be indoors than out and about at malls among other people.

Should I leave her be - will it worsen her situation and well - turn her into me? Or should we just power through this? Is this amounting to character development or am I scarring her?

Then, of course, I have to consider whether this school is the right match for her. My other 3 kids loved their time at this school. But perhaps she might benefit from much smaller classes and individual care (there are about 20 - 30 kids in her class), but this might present a strain on our budget. I really don't know.

I am just feeling really sad and despondent this morning. I know that by now she probably is playing contentedly, but the question is - is there something else we could be doing to make her happy?

I just wish I had the answers.

Long overdue post - Birthday weekend (2) - Breakfast at La Rocca and visit to our favourite beach

I know that this post is so late [I'm well on my way to turning 41 already], but I finally have a domestic helper here today, which frees up my morning considerably.

On Sunday morning Mo treated us to breakfast at La Rocca at Canal Walk. I felt slightly guilty at the fat-laden meal I ordered - a mixed grill, which - though not really my style - was simply delicious. I undertook to watch what I ate for the rest of the day.

From the moment we sat down, the kids started an annoying routine - alternating between bickering and sulking. That is, until Mo put a stop to it using his most intimidating voice. He reminded them of how blessed they are compared to so many others; that they had no reason to sulk and be grumpy and how so many children had nothing to eat - let alone sit in a lovely sunny restaurant on a beautiful Sunday morning. This quickly changed their mood and they were back to their chirpy selves in no time, thank goodness.

Later we headed out to the little beach next to Camps Bay beach. We have no idea what this place is called, but this little piece of heaven was always my and Mo's favourite summer hangout in our early marriage. Once the babies arrived though, the steep walk down to the beach unfortunately put paid to our visits to this spot.

So Sunday was really special, as we reminisced about our carefree days lazing in the sun. In fact, I even have a picture taken 4 days before Shakeel (14)'s birth, in which I lay on my favourite rock looking like a beached whale - albeit a very happy contented beached whale.

Although the weather was warm on Sunday, it was not really swimming weather - especially not in the icy waters of the Atlantic. But that did not stop the kids from wading into the water in search of marine life.

For months now (since the beginning of his high school 'career') Shakeel has been really serious and reserved. Very seldomly does one hear his carefree unreserved laughter and this has me really concerned and sad. I know that the pressure of fitting in has been overwhelming. He escapes from all this by playing Playstation or computer games or reading. He no longer spends hours playing with his sisters. I am not sure if this can be attributed  to adolescence or if he is going through something of which I am not aware. Either way, I'm really sad about this.

 But on Sunday, for just a few hours, I had my son back - the little boy who loves animals, exploring the 'wild' and studying wildlife. At one point all four of them built a little pool for a tiny fish they'd come across - the sight of them playing together happily evoked in me mixed feelings of melancholy and joy.

Soaked

My favourite moments of the day - right here

Tharaa (11) did what Tharaa does wherever she finds herself - executing cartwheels and handstands in the water and clamouring onto rocks.

 Nuha (8) struggled to keep dry as she rolled her pants higher and higher so that she could wade deeper and deeper into the water. 

Aisha (3) quickly overcame her recently-developed aversion to having sand beneath her feet and fully enjoyed exploring the beach. Eventually she too could not resist wading waist-depth into the icy waters.

I had a lovely afternoon - at first reliving distant memories of our carefree days before the kids were born, but then, after watching our kids bond in this place which had been so special to us,  I felt so blessed and overcome with gratitude for the precious moments we were sharing right there - in the present. Alhamdulillah, I cannot thank the Almighty enough for having blessed me with these precious moments with my family and pray that there are many more to come In Shaa Allah (God willing).

And then, as expected, we faced the consequences of having allowed Aisha to wet her clothes, as she moaned and cried that she wanted to go home to fetch dry clothes, but then wanted to leave again for the dinner outing her dad had promised. Needless to say, that was the end of the outing, as we headed home and plonked her straight into a warm bath.

Instead of the promised dinner outing, Mo brought them pizza from Debonnairs, while he and I enjoyed sushi in front of the TV.

I cannot thank my husband enough for creating a birthday weekend so perfectly suited to me. I know that, given the opportunity to have themselves spoiled for their birthdays, many women would have chosen differently - but to me, these simple moments are everything. There is nothing I would rather have done and I, once again, thank the Almighty for granting me a husband who knows me this well and respects/tolerates my uniquely weird character traits and preferences.

I am also so grateful to EVERYONE who sent me such lovely birthday wishes - but especially to my mother and brothers, who - in a nutshell - told me to get over myself and that, instead of whining about my age, I should be focussing on my blessings. Clearly I took their advice to heart and I count them among the graces with which God has bestowed me.

Al hamdu lillah wa shukru lillah, what a lovely weekend! I feel so blessed.