A very kind and unselfish reader responded by sharing her knowledge on parenting, which is based both on her own experience, as well as her training.
YH is the mom of 3 little girls spaced 20 and 21 months apart - respectively ( 9,7,5 years old).
She was trained in child development while studying
Nursing at UCT. This is where she was exposed to the Erik Erikson stages of
development, which she has found to be incredibly useful in parenting her own
children. “I use it as a guideline, especially when I am desperate and very
challenged with parenting situations. I would refer back to my child's age and
then compare against the developmental phase she is experiencing.”
She goes on to say that this model allows her to understand the possible
reasons for her children’s behaviour and often provides ways in which she can deal with it. It also provides her with some sort of context or a yardstick by
which to measure her children’s development.
She attached a very informative lengthy piece of information on the Erik Erikson
stages of development which includes the stages of sexual development (which, although not relevant to my situation with Aisha, was very informative and I have therefore included it below as well). Since I
have ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE of the topic, I have just copied and pasted her
entire document unedited.
"ERIK ERIKSON STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
This page presents an overview of the developmental tasks involved in the
social and emotional development of children and teenagers which continues into
adulthood. The presentation is based on the Eight Stages of Development
developed by psychiatrist, Erik Erikson in 1956.
According to Erikson, the socialization process consists of eight phases –
the “eight stages of man.” His eight stages of man were formulated, not through
experimental work, but through wide – ranging experience in psychotherapy,
including extensive experience with children and adolescents from low – as well
as upper – and middle – social classes. Each stage is regarded by Erikson as a
“psychosocial crisis,” which arises and demands resolution before the next
stage can be satisfactorily negotiated. These stages are conceived in an almost
architectural sense: satisfactory learning and resolution of each crisis is
necessary if the child is to manage the next and subsequent ones
satisfactorily, just as the foundation of a house is essential to the first
floor, which in turn must be structurally sound to support and the second
story, and so on.
Erikson’s Eight Stages of Development
1. Learning Basic Trust Versus Basic Mistrust (Hope)
Chronologically, this is the period of infancy through the first one or two
years of life. The child, well – handled, nurtured, and loved, develops trust
and security and a basic optimism. Badly handled, he becomes insecure and
mistrustful.
2. Learning Autonomy Versus Shame (Will)
The second psychosocial crisis, Erikson believes, occurs during early
childhood, probably between about 18 months or 2 years and 3½ to 4 years of
age. The “well – parented” child emerges from this stage sure of himself,
elated with his new found control, and proud rather than ashamed. Autonomy is
not, however, entirely synonymous with assured self – possession, initiative,
and independence but, at least for children in the early part of this
psychosocial crisis, includes stormy self – will, tantrums, stubbornness, and
negativism. For example, one sees may 2 year olds resolutely folding their arms
to prevent their mothers from holding their hands as they cross the street.
Also, the sound of “NO” rings through the house or the grocery store.
3. Learning Initiative Versus Guilt (Purpose)
Erikson believes that this third psychosocial crisis occurs during what he
calls the “play age,” or the later preschool years (from about 3½ to, in the
United States culture, entry into formal school). During it, the healthily
developing child learns: (1) to imagine, to broaden his skills through active
play of all sorts, including fantasy (2) to cooperate with others (3) to lead as
well as to follow. Immobilized by guilt, he is: (1) fearful (2) hangs on the
fringes of groups (3) continues to depend unduly on adults and (4) is
restricted both in the development of play skills and in imagination.
4. Industry Versus Inferiority (Competence)
Erikson believes that the fourth psychosocial crisis is handled, for better
or worse, during what he calls the “school age,” presumably up to and possibly
including some of junior high school. Here the child learns to master the more
formal skills of life: (1) relating with peers according to rules (2)
progressing from free play to play that may be elaborately structured by rules
and may demand formal teamwork, such as baseball and (3) mastering social
studies, reading, arithmetic. Homework is a necessity, and the need for
self-discipline increases yearly. The child who, because of his successive and
successful resolutions of earlier psychosocial crisis, is trusting, autonomous,
and full of initiative will learn easily enough to be industrious. However, the
mistrusting child will doubt the future. The shame – and guilt-filled child
will experience defeat and inferiority.
5. Learning Identity Versus Identity Diffusion (Fidelity)
During the fifth psychosocial crisis (adolescence, from about 13 or 14 to
about 20) the child, now an adolescent, learns how to answer satisfactorily and
happily the question of “Who am I?” But even the best – adjusted of adolescents
experiences some role identity diffusion: most boys and probably most girls
experiment with minor delinquency; rebellion flourishes; self – doubts flood
the youngster, and so on.
Erikson believes that during successful early adolescence, mature time
perspective is developed; the young person acquires self-certainty as opposed
to self-consciousness and self-doubt. He comes to experiment with different –
usually constructive – roles rather than adopting a “negative identity” (such
as delinquency). He actually anticipates achievement, and achieves, rather than
being “paralyzed” by feelings of inferiority or by an inadequate time
perspective. In later adolescence, clear sexual identity – manhood or womanhood
– is established. The adolescent seeks leadership (someone to inspire him), and
gradually develops a set of ideals (socially congruent and desirable, in the
case of the successful adolescent). Erikson believes that, in our culture,
adolescence affords a “psychosocial moratorium,” particularly for middle – and
upper-class American children. They do not yet have to “play for keeps,” but
can experiment, trying various roles, and thus hopefully find the one most
suitable for them.
6. Learning Intimacy Versus Isolation (Love)
The successful young adult, for the first time, can experience true
intimacy – the sort of intimacy that makes possible good marriage or a genuine
and enduring friendship.
7. Learning Generativity Versus Self-Absorption (Care)
In adulthood, the psychosocial crisis demands generativity, both in the
sense of marriage and parenthood, and in the sense of working productively and
creatively.
8. Integrity Versus Despair (Wisdom)
If the other seven psychosocial crisis have been successfully resolved, the
mature adult develops the peak of adjustment; integrity. He trusts, he is
independent and dares the new. He works hard, has found a well – defined role
in life, and has developed a self-concept with which he is happy. He can be
intimate without strain, guilt, regret, or lack of realism; and he is proud of
what he creates – his children, his work, or his hobbies. If one or more of the
earlier psychosocial crises have not been resolved, he may view himself and his
life with disgust and despair.
These eight stages of man, or the psychosocial crises, are plausible and
insightful descriptions of how personality develops but at present they are
descriptions only. We possess at best rudimentary and tentative knowledge of
just what sort of environment will result, for example, in traits of trust
versus distrust, or clear personal identity versus diffusion. Helping the child
through the various stages and the positive learning that should accompany them
is a complex and difficult task, as any worried parent or teacher knows. Search
for the best ways of accomplishing this task accounts for much of the research
in the field of child development.
Socialization, then is a learning – teaching process that, when successful,
results in the human organism’s moving from its infant state of helpless but
total egocentricity to its ideal adult state of sensible conformity coupled
with independent creativity.
Children and young people constitute more than half of the global
population today. Many of them face various challenges of HIV & AIDS,
sexually transmitted diseases, gender inequality and discrimination. Currently,
the emotional, social and health needs of young people are not being fully met.
Young people face increasing pressures regarding sex and sexuality including
conflicting messages and norms.
Sex refers to the biological characteristics that define humans as females
and males. Sexuality is everything that goes into making you a human being.
This includes sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism,
pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is a central aspect of being
human throughout life. It is restricted by laws, moral standard, family and
personal values and social norms that are determined by the distribution of
power and decision making in society. It is linked to self-esteem, body image,
identity, ideas about love, dating, ‘hooking up”, breaking up, pleasure,
marriage and ideas of what is right and wrong.
Children express their sexuality differently depending on their cultural
background, access to information, social and economic status and their
experience of sexual abuse. Each child should be introduced to sex and
sexuality at a different age depending on their own physical and psychological
development. Evidence has shown that positive or negative first exposure to sex
has strong influence on the course of sexual discovery and practice throughout
life.
According to Peel Public Health (2007) the different stages of children’s
sexual development are:
Birth to age 2
• Learn about love
&trust through loving relationships with parents and their caregivers
• Explore their bodies,
including their genitals
• May have erections or
lubricate vaginally
• Experience genital
pleasure
• Begin to learn expected
behaviours
• Begin to notice
differences between the bodies of boys and girls, children and adults
Ages 3- 5
• Become very curious
about bodies, and the differences between boys and girls
• May play house, or
doctor or other forms of body exploration or “sex play” with friends
• Learn that they are
either male or female
• Learn about male/female
roles by observing others
• Enjoy learning about and
talking about body parts and functions
• Find adult bathroom
activities very interesting
• May ask questions about
pregnancy and birth such as: “Where did I come from?”
• May learn words relsted
to sex and try using them
• May mimic adult sexual
behaviour
• May begin to masturbate
Ages 6-8
• Begin to have strong
friendships with children of the same sex
• Be affected by stories
they hear in the media(e.g. about AIDS or abuse)
• Have definite ideas
about male and female roles
• Have a basic sexual
orientation and identity
• Want to be like their
peers; for example, boys may feel pressured to choose the type of toys and
activities that other boys choose
• May engage in name –
calling and teasing
• May continue with sex
play
• May begin to masturbate
Ages 9-12
• May begin the changes of
puberty
• Become more modest and
want privacy
• Continue to value same
sex friendships
• May experience increased
sexual feelings and fantasies
• Develop crushes on
friends, older teens, teachers, rock starts, etc. Romantic feelings may be
directed towards the same sex and/or the opposite sex.
• May take part in sexual
exploration with peers
• May masturbate to orgasm
• May have to face
decisions about sex and drugs
Ages 13 – 18
• Complete the changes of
puberty
• Place great value on
independence
• Experience increased
sexual feelings and desire physical closeness with a partner
• May face peer pressure
to be sexually active whether or not they feel ready
• May change close
friendships in favour of romantic relationships
• May make choices which
lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases
• May have to face
violence in relationships ( Sexual harassment, date rape, etc)
The ways that children experience and express, or choose not to express
their sexuality is influenced by their biology, their emotional lives, their
family lives, their culture and their own status in that culture, their ethical,
religious and spiritual upbringing and experience.
If children are encouraged to explore issues surrounding their sexuality,
before they become sexually active whether by choice, coercion or necessity, it
better prepares them to meet the challenges that they might face on various
aspects of their sexuality. Sexual Reproductive Health and Rights (SRHR) for
children are recognised as a necessity for the reduction of STI’s including
HIV&AIDS."
Thank you so much to YH for taking the time to share this information. It is deeply appreciated.
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