Nuha's turn to receive a prize for "Fasting for the love of Allah"

Every year, for the past 14 years, the Islamic Unity Convention holds an award ceremony for those people who succeeded in fasting for the entire month of Ramadaan FOR THEIR VERY FIRST TIME. The men, women and children participating in this event, which is known as "Fasting for the Love of Allah", receive a certificate, a medal and a goodie-bag as small tokens of recognition for the accomplishment of this remarkable feat.

Last year Nuha (8) fasted for the entire month of Ramadaan for the first time. She however did not want to have her achievements acknowledged at this event, as she was too shy to go up to receive her award. This year however, for some reason, she built up the courage to claim her prize belatedly. This could very well have had something to do with the fact that her darling cousin, F. too was participating in this event and that spending the morning with her sidekick while they stuffed their faces with the delicious contents of their goodie-bag prizes, was well worth the unwanted attention she'd have to endure in going up to collect her prize once her name was called.

The event was lovely and there were some touching moments as the new Muslims' (especially the adults) names were called. The Imam (I forgot his name unfortunately) emphasised that although parents might sneak their little darlings small gifts to show pride at their accomplishments (fasting) and despite the fact that prizes were being awarded at this event for those who fasted for the first time, it has to be emphasised that Muslims fast 'for the love of Allah'.

Imam Achmad Cassiem voiced his displeasure at the use of the word 'revert' to describe people who had just embraced Islam. He said that once they took their Shahada, they became Muslims (like any other) and that giving them any other label implied that they were on some sort of probation before they became Muslims.

He also cautioned people against the use of the term non-Muslim, likening it to the use of the inherently biased term 'non-white' during apartheid. 

Here are some pics of Nuha and her darling cousin receiving their prizes (the pics were taken with my phone with my very shaky hand, so the quality leaves much to be desired)

And here we have my mum and my niece, anxiously awaiting little F's turn

But before I get into trouble for having done a special blog post on Nuha's turn at this event, I'd better show you a photo taken 2 years ago when Tharaa (then aged 9) took to the stage at the same event

Heartbroken, rejected and pitiful musings of a stay-at-home mum

I interrupt my brief blogging hiatus to have a bit of a whine. (So if, like me, you are of those people who finds whining annoying, I do apologise in advance).

Perhaps my depression - (oh, how I hate using this term to describe it - it makes me feel like a spoiled, unappreciative and self-indulgent stay-at-home mum when there are people with real problems out there) - anyway, perhaps this feeling of dejection can be attributed to the lack of self-worth which comes with me not working outside the home. I'm not saying that this is the case for all SAHMs - many have an innate self-confidence which is not derived from anything external, like their job title, achievments etc.

But in my case, sadly, since my sense of self-esteem is virtually non-existent, I do need these external assurances of my worth.

This Ramadan I decided to break with unhealthy tradition and tried to eliminate as much toxic fried foods from our diet as possible. Realistically, I accepted that my husband and kids are accustomed to the artery-clogging dishes which are traditionally enjoyed (in our community) during this month. I knew that I was fighting an uphill battle against 'the expected' and by them comparing our meals to what other people were having.

I explained to them that I felt that fasting involved spiritual cleansing, but also physical detoxification. What was the point of exercising restraint all day and then gluttonizing at night? It makes no sense for people to end the fast more unhealthy than when they started.

But I am aware that my older three kids are fasting so I am not completely averse to them enjoying treats they would not do under normal circumstances. However, I do insist that this be done subject to certain limitations. I will not serve fried daltjies (chilli bites) every night; samoosas and pies are baked and not fried, our vegetable and water intake will be increased, etc etc etc.

I have accepted that they do expect a sweet treat. However, I have a problem with them devouring horrendously oily fritters and bollas. These sweet desserts are usually enjoyed with the soup and savouries as part of the starter, often leaving little room for food! So, I decided that meals will be served in a more sensible fashion - with soup and 1 or 2 savouries as the starter, a nutritious meal (usually consisting mainly of protein and vegetables) and then the dessert (which will be baked, not fried; consist of reduced sugar and will always be fruit-based or contain fruit).

I have spent so much time with recipe books and on the internet, trying to find ways to provide delicious, yet healthy-ish meals for the family. And, in my humble opinion, they have turned out to be really pleasing.

However, the response from the kids to these changes was somewhat underwhelming. Where were the daltjies? So, to replace the chilli bites, I baked savoury muffins. Which they practically tossed aside.

Bit by bit, with the help of their dad, they have managed to undermine my carefully-planned vision for a healthy-ish Ramadan. Firstly the dad brought home packaged waffles, simply to be popped into the toaster. This, he informed me excitedly, would be enjoyed with cream and syrup.

''Oh, lovely'', I'd responded through clenched teeth.

Last night, as always, they broke their fast, enjoyed their starters and then went to pray before returning for the main meal. Which is when the dad informed them that he was buying McDonalds for supper. He had 'forgotten' that, in our earlier discussion about whether to buy take-outs or have a healthy home-cooked meal, we had eventually settled on the healthier alternative.

I felt about ready to burst into tears. Partly because I had spent the afternoon cooking. And partly because of the kids' enthusiasm at not eating my lovingly-prepared, carefully-researched-and-planned meal.

But mostly, I suppose, because this is what defines me right now.
I am a stay-at-home mum. I want to provide my kids with the advantages they would not have had, had I been working. This includes me helping them study. It includes us spending quality time together, chatting and joking after school, while other kids are still sitting in aftercare.

And it includes me providing them with healthy, carefully-planned homecooked meals (with no processed ingredients).

And when they reject this I can't help feeling rejected - as if I don't then have a purpose. I don't bring in an income; I don't have an impressive career. This is me - this is what I have to offer.

And it really hurts when it goes unappreciated.

While I watch the clock

When I was working full-time, I was the type of employee who would execute instructions just as soon as they were issued, complete duties before they were due and just generally be on top of things. In my personal life I'm the exact opposite - I am the worst procrastinator ever.

You might know that Muslims fast during the month of Ramadaan. We fast for the entire month except days we are sick or when women have their period. These days have to be 'repaid' (by fasting)before the next Ramadaan. The more disciplined and sensible of us will do it as soon as possible - some women repay their days owing immediately after the Ramadaan. I admire those women...

..because I am one of those women who leaves the repayment until a few days before the next Ramadaan. I keep putting it off for another time - there is always an excuse to postpone it (summer-time, kids' exams, Aisha (2) teething etc etc). As a result, I end up fasting my days owing RIGHT BEFORE the actual fasting month starts.

That is exactly what is happening this year. Ramadaan starts next Saturday, 20 July 2012 and I have been fasting for the past three days. I will take a break this weekend (oh, because that's another one of my usual excuses) and then resume fasting the remaining 3 days next week again - leaving me with only two days to prepare physically for the fast. As usual I feel like punching myself.

But, on a positive note, I have been starting to feel so much better since starting my fast. Remember my healthy eating programme about which I was bragging a few weeks ago? Well, that pretty much ended soon after it began. Although I must say, I still incorporate the vegetable and protein dishes into my daily diet, unfortunately I have also increased my intake of chocolates and chips (oooh chips - I'm so hungry right now with 3 more hours to go until iftaar, when I can break my fast).

In fact I had been starting to feel really bloated and uncomfortable. I had heartburn all the time - I stopped wearing a bra because it made the burning sensation unbearable by making me want to puke.

For the first day of my fast, the burning sensation was still there. I drank 750 ml of water the morning, as well as my green tea and then another 750ml after iftaar, followed by another two mugs of herbal tea over the next few hours. I also increased my portions of veggies, fruit and protein (slightly).

Believe it or not, both the burning sensation and bloated feeling had vanished yesterday (day 2) and after supper I felt so good that I had enough energy to return to the gym  (after a few disgusting lazy weeks). Don't get me wrong - I still feel hungry enough to eat my own hand, but at least I feel healthier, lighter and more energised than the duracell bunny.

Once again, I'm trying very hard to reduce - though not eliminate completely - my intake of sugar. It really is challenging for me, but now that I'm getting out of the rut into which I keep falling, I'm feeling more motivated.

And on that positive note - let me return to what I was doing before I started this post - staring at the clock.