A cry for help - with a shitty parenting dilemma

I'm at a loss. I really don't know how to deal with this stage of potty training.

My other 3 kids did not go through this - I can't remember how they started poo'ing on the toilet, but they definitely didn't go through this. I would have remembered.

Aisha (2) has been lying on the bed, crying for the past few hours. She no longer wants to poo in her nappy - nor is she ready to do it on the toilet.

So she just keeps it in. And cries and cries - with pain and discomfort.

Her record thus far is four days. That means four days of discomfort with bouts of pain (because it comes and goes). But it amounts to four days of misery.

Then, when it happens, she transforms into a different child; a happier, more normal child.

I feel helpless. I can force her to eat. I can force her to dress. But how do I force her to poo?

I thought about giving her prune juice for its laxative effect, but the problem is not that she can't go - it's that she doesn't want to. Perhaps I should give it to her anyway, to increase the urge to go, so that she cannot fight it for as long a period.

We've made an appointment at the doctor. I don't know what good that will do, but I suppose it can't hurt to hear if she has any suggestions - I, myself, am all out of ideas.

Any suggestions?

Scared shitless

Aisha turns 3 in a few months time. She refuses to wean from her beloved boobies. She still will not fall or stay asleep unless I'm lying next to her. She cannot play by herself - she needs me to keep her entertained constantly.

But she has been the easiest child to potty train.

A year ago already, she was willingly peeing on the toilet, and accidentally even poo'ed therein a few times - to much applause and enthusiasm from the rest of us.

But then the end-of-year holidays arrived and we started going out all the time. Since I used to put a nappy on for her every time we went out, she ended up wearing the nappy for most of the time and 'potty training' effectively came to a halt. (Actually, I cant even call it 'potty training' because, I wasn't training her - she was enjoying the novelty of peeing in the toilet and everyone's gushing as a result of her doing so).

But a few weeks ago we ran out of nappies and I was forced to put her on the toilet. As was the case before, she adapted effortlessly. She went without nappies for days (I'd only put one on her at bedtime).

And then I realised that she had not poo'ed for days. This was very unusual - I could normally set a clock according to her bowel movements - she was that regular.

On the fourth day she came to me looking rather distressed. Gripping the seat of her pants. Realising that the moment of truth had arrived, I calmly asked her if she wanted to poo. Which, as it turns out, was the wrong thing to say, because she started to scream hysterically. Then she proceeded to run - round and round - in a concentric formation. Starting at the larger outer circles and then working her way inward toward the centre point, where, upon arrival, she proceeded to bounce up and down like a tightly wound toy, whose spring has just been released.

This went on for a while. And then, when she could no longer bear it, she asked for a nappy. Even after diapering her up, she looked alarmed, crying and bouncing around incessantly. For some reason she had now developed a fear of pooing - whether on the toilet or in her nappy.

My poor baby was, very literally, scared shitless.

For days now we've suffered with this problem. We have increased her fibre intake and also her intake of yoghurt, which had previously been a crap-trigger. But to no avail.  She is capable of keeping it in for days and then, when she eventually can hold it no longer, she passes it with such pain, alarm and hysteria. Watching her terrified face as she struggles to keep it in/ push it out is heartbreaking for me. I cannot believe that I had ever taken my kids' ability to perform this basic bodily function for granted, as watching her struggle to do so leaves me feeling helpless and distressed.

My nephew suffered the same potty training dilemma a few years back. I don't quite remember how long it took for him to be able to poo in the toilet, but at least it gives me hope that Aisha will not, by the age of 5 / 6, still be asking hysterically for a nappy in which to poo.

In the meantime though, I shall continue to give her huge amounts of fibre and water, in the hopes that her urge to do the deed will become so overwhelming that she will eventually just say ''what the heck'' and then hop onto the toilet and do her thing. That's the plan, anyway.

Aisha- an attempt to capture this moment in time

Since her birth, two year old Aisha has profoundly affected the family dynamics the way all babies tend to do. Often she dominates dinner times with her cute sayings and tricks, which she loves to perform much to the delight of her older siblings. She is able to diffuse even the most potentially explosive confrontational situation (and not just between the kids) by simply flashing a smile.

However she has also managed to blend and adjust perfectly into the very unique unit made up of her and her siblings. Very often one can hear them all screaming with laughter at jokes that only they could possibly find funny. She will join them in singing all their favourite tunes (and can carry a tune surprisingly well for her age). I could not believe how much of Adele's "Someone like You" she can sing.

Recently she has discovered Michael Jackson, her mommy's hero. Two weeks ago, when Mo and I wanted to watch an episode of our favourite series 'Revenge', we simply plonked her in front of the laptop to watch his Bucharest concert. How clever of us!!!

However, the main love of her life is a dinosaur (something she has in common with her older brother Shakeel)- but in her case the object of her affection is the purple dinosaur Barney, who causes her eyes to sparkle with love and admiration.

I am amazed at how well she is able to carry on a conversation with the rest of us (although much of what she says can only be understood by us). She seems to have an opinion on everything the kids discuss at the dinner table and is as animated as the rest of them when expressing herself . I love how she can imitate Shakeel's teachers (of whom he loves doing impressions) and is even able to capture the subtle nuances of the quirks and accents of these people whom she has never met!

She counts from 1-20 and thanks to the time she has spent at the dojo watching the older kids' karate training, she counts to ten in Japanese too.

But she is absolutely not interested in learning about colours. Though her favourite colour is blue. Not the colour itself, but the word- she uses the word 'blue' to describe anything she desires or likes. So every morning she wakes up insisting on blue porridge (Jungle Oats), after which she wants to watch the blue Barney DVD (Fun on the farm). She insists on sipping her milk or water from her blue cup (a green plastic cup). All very confusing.

Her pronunciation of certain words has outsiders completely stumped. "Mommy, could I please have some toodie", translated "Mommy could I please have foodie".

"Mommy please teed me" translated is "Mommy please feed me"

She is at a very difficult potty training stage- she hates wearing a nappy, but often still forgets to tell us that she has to pee. She has a very special place where she does all her peeing and pooing- on Shakeel's carpet at the foot of his bed. It drives me nuts that she chooses to mess on the only carpet in the house (the rest of the house either has wooden floors or tiles). But I guess it is up to us to ensure that we put her on the toilet more regularly instead of waiting for an accident to happen.

She loves snacking on tomatoes, carrots and boiled egg. However she also loves eating 'clock-it' (chocolate), although this happens seldomly (simply because I do not like sharing my chocolate). She is the only one of my kids who enjoys taking sips of my green tea (yes, yes I know- it contains caffeine, but I really only allow it in moderation)

She refers to our teeny tiny little garden as 'the farm', since she spotted many 'animals' (birds, bees, ants and other bugs) one sunny morning. So every morning she asks to be taken to the farm to water the plants.

I know that she is too old to still be breastfeeding, but she still is completely addicted to her mommy's boobies for comfort. (This is becoming a HUGE problem for me). Very often when she sees me in the shower, she won't rest until I crouch down for a minute or two to provide her with her 'fix'.

She is in such an extremely cute stage that I wish I could somehow capture every bit of it before she moves to the next one. I really wish that I could remember how delightful, amazing and cute my other kids were at this age.

I suppose that the best I can do is to appreciate how wonderful they are right now.

　

　

　

　

　

Does this mean I'm potty training?

I interrupt my normal scheduled blogging (i.e. gushing about all the dizzying holiday fun we've been having despite being too late to book a holiday away) to make the following announcement:

Since about 13:00 this afternoon, Aisha has peed on the toilet five times. I repeat- FIVE times.

Okay, I should probably add that she also peed on the floor twice. And that she did not actually say that she wanted to pee, and that she very likely is unaware when she is about to pee, since those FIVE times were as a result of us putting her on the toilet and leaving her there until she peed. And that as soon as we put a nappy back on later, she did not warn us when she had to pee, but simply then just proceeded to pee in the nappy.

Hmm, all of a sudden those FIVE times do not seem that impressive any longer.

Okay, but it's a first step, I suppose. But the first step to what? I had no intention of potty training now. In fact I'm not even using the word 'potty training' to describe this afternoon's phenomenon. It was more a way of preventing annoying puddles all over the place, since she kept pulling off her nappy (it was one of the last of a pack which is just about too small for her).

I'm not even sure I want to potty train now. Yes, I understand the cost implications of having a baby on nappies. But I also remember what a pain in the butt it is to have your eagerly anticipated steaming prawns platter placed in front of you at Jimmy's Killer Prawns; just to hear your toddler's whiny voice saying, "Mommy, I need to pee".

Which I will try to ignore at first- best to devour as much of my prawns while it's hot. Leaving my platter behind unguarded with prawn-loving Mo and Shakeel around would just be foolish. So I pretend to ignore the whiny toddler- risky, I know- until the next appeal (usually more urgent, this time). "Mommy I need to pee. Please take me to the toilet!"

Believe it or not, this is still a regular occurrence with seven-year old Nuha. I swear she has a bladder the size of a peanut. Am I ready to go through this with two kids? Probably not. But if she shows an interest in persisting with whatever this is, I will not discourage her.

The older kids are actually the ones encouraging her. They treat it like a game- as if it'd make a cool party trick. Firstly the girls sat on the toilet, while Aisha watched how each one peed (Disgusting, but true). This was accompanied by running commentary, "See Aisha- all you do is press (accompanied by pressing/pushing sounds) and, see- pee comes out. Now your turn!"

Each successful attempt was met with clapping, dancing and celebrating. I hope she won't be expecting this each and every time she pees. She is sure to be in for a major let-down when she starts primary school and no one jumps up and down with excitement each time she comes from the toilet. And if this persists she'll most likely expect a street parade the first time she poo's in the toilet.

Anyway, all this is very likely much ado about nothing- which is fine. Just thought it would make a nice memory for us to look back on one day when she's older- or a lovely story to share with any boy who visits looking for a first date.